Past the point of thought
by Call me Cotton Candy
Summary: Ali Grey arrives for a job at Grey Sloan Memorial. The people around her know more about who she is than she knows herself. And what's with the mysterious plane crash? Lexie/Jackson Lexie/Meredith sisterhood. Not April or Stephanie friendly.
1. I will survive

Ali Grey walked into the hospital. Grey Sloan memorial. Well… She didn't really want her fellowship here. But they were the best. And she deserved the best. Duh.

She was the best. The best deserved the best.

She was supposed to meet a doctor named Dr. Russell… or Randall. She really didn't want to go here. But St. Peters was starting to get on her nerves. She'd been through too much there.

It seemed familiar here. She went into the elevator and thankfully no one was in there. She hated awkward silent elevator rides. She couldn't think straight. God, why hadn't she just rejected this interview? John freaking Hopkins wanted her for God's sake. She had no reason to be here right now.

She got out on the surgical floor and she was supposed to find a cardiothoracic wing.

_Come closer, breathe deeper, _

_just take it in._

_ Make love to me gently over and over again._

She looked around but still had no idea as where she was supposed to be. This was going to be a fresh start. She could sense it. Maybe, she should go here.

She saw a black girl talking to a Caucasian girl.

"Excuse me?" Ali said.

"Yeah." The Caucasian girl said.

"I'm looking for a Dr. Russell."

"Why?" The black girl asked. The Caucasian girl gave her a look.

"I have an interview about my fellowship."

"Where_ is_ his office?" The black girl asked the other one.

"I don't know. Ask your boyfriend."

"Will you just calm the hell down?"

"You act like you know everything just cause you're dating the boss!"

"I'll just… find someone else." Ali said.

"Ah, there's my boyfriend!" The black girl said while pointing at someone. "Jackson! Come over here!"

He walked over there and Ali looked the other way. She wanted to get this over with.

"What's up?" He asked.

"Where's Dr. Russell's office?"

"East wing, why?"

"She" the Caucasian girl said. "Is looking for him."

"Why?"

"I've got an interview." Ali answered, turning to him.

He looked at her and his face turned pale. "L… L-lexie?" He asked.

Ali frowned. "Wait, do you know me?"

"Lexie?" He asked again.

"Alexandra… actually… but people call me Ali… Do you know me?" She asked again.

"No." He answered.

"What's got your panties in a bunch?" Jo joked to Jackson.

"I'm just gonna go find Dr. Russell, okay?"

"Wait! What's your last name?"

"Grey."

She turned around and walked away from those freaks.

_If it's all I can take,_

_I'll remember it all, remember it all._

_If it's all I can take,_

_I'll remember it all, remember it all._

"Who was that?" Stephanie asked her boyfriend, getting quite worried.

"We need to get the board together, immediately. And also page Karev and Kepner."

"What? Why?"

"DO IT NOW!" He yelled.

Stephanie looked like she might cry, but right now he didn't care.

He rushed into the conference room where they had their monthly meetings.

The waiting seemed like an eternity.

Arizona and Callie rushed into the room. "We got your 911."

"Sit down." He said, trying to remain calm.

"This better be an emergency cause I was about to cut into a cancery child." Alex said, while coming in. "Wait, isn't this like a board thing?"

"Sit down." Arizona said.

Jackson sat at the head of the table, Arizona and Callie on one side, Alex on the other.

April came in next. "This better be good. Matthew and I were supposed to have lunch."

"Oh, it's good." He said. He finally allowed himself a smile.

April sat next to Arizona.

Hunt, Cristina, Meredith and Derek came in. Hunt closed the door after them and sat on the other head of the table. Meredith and Derek sat next to Alex, Cristina next to April.

"So what is this about?" Meredith asked.

"So… Remember that plane crash?"

"He's not serious, is he?" Callie whispered to Arizona.

"Yes, we remember." Alex snapped.

"Well… Remember how we didn't find Lexie's body? It was just gone?"

"Wait… they found her body?" Meredith asked. It had been over a year. She didn't think this was going to happen.

There was a dark cloud on the room right now. Though they'd had a memorial service, it still seemed unreal. This would make it official.

"Not exactly." Jackson said. "I think… It could be her doppelganger… but she- She might be. I mean, it could be, right?"

"No… She was dead!" Cristina said, catching on faster than the others.

"I'm completely lost." April announced.

"But I swear… I know what I saw."

"What did you see?" Derek asked, still not catching on.

"He's saying she's alive, you dumb ass!" Cristina said, getting worked up.

Everyone was silent.

"Where did you see her?" Alex asked.

"On her way to Dr. Russell's office."

"WHAT?" "She's in this hospital?" "Where is she?" "No way!" "I don't believe you." Everybody was talking through each other.

"We'll just have to see for ourselves." Meredith announced, not wanting to believe anything and then later have it turn out to not be true.

"Oh, just a tiny little detail I forgot to mention." Jackson said.

"What is it?" Derek said impatiently.

"She said her name was Alexandra Grey. Ali, for short. But still."

_One moment imprinted inside my mind. _

_Could there be more to this love_

_ Or will it be left behind?_

"We would be delighted to have you work here for Grey Sloan Memorial." Russell said. "We'll just have to submit your resume to the board, and voila."

"Thank you."

"Graham knows talent."

"He always does." Ali agreed. Graham was one of her colleagues from St. Peters, who had helped her get this interview.

"Now I've got a surgery to steal from Dr. Yang. You're welcome to watch, if you'd like."

"I'll see if I can. Which OR?"

"OR 3."

They walked out of the office and parted ways.

Ali was halfway out of the hall when a group of people rushed into the hallway but stopped as soon as they saw her. They all just stared. Ali felt stared at… She saw the creepy staring guy from before also with them.

She stopped in her tracks. They all tilted their head in unison.

This was freaky.

She stared back. They all just kept staring.

"Do any of you know where OR 3 is?" Ali asked.

They just stared again.

"Seriously?" She said. "Hey, you!" She pointed at Jackson. "You are gonna show me where the hell I need to be right now." She demanded.

"To the left, second hall to the right."

"Thank you."

"So… Can you guys… just, like, move?"

They all went to a side against the wall and she walked past them, shooting them a weird look. She found OR 3. It was a bad surgery, the patient died. But the facility seemed great. She wanted to stay… also she wanted to find what the deal here was.

_Cause of it's all I can take,_

_I'll remember it all, remember it all._

_If it's all I can take,_

_I'll remember it all, remember it all._

"That was her." Meredith immediately said.

"Are you sure?" April asked. "She seemed different."

"She was exactly the same."

"How do you know?"

"Do you think I wouldn't recognize my own sister?"

"Maybe…"

"I don't think she remembered us." Callie pointed out.

"Oh my God." Arizona said, sliding her back down the wall and sitting down. "We're doomed."

"Get off the floor Arizona!"

Arizona got up.

"No, wait, your first instinct was right! Get down again."

Arizona sat on the floor again, as did the others.

"What now?" Derek asked.

"Let's first find out where she's been, what she's doing here and why." Alex said.

"Good idea." April agreed.

They found someone from St. Peters had found her. She'd been working there as a resident and they'd found her name tag, hence her knowing who she was. They were definitely hiring her back. Everyone was happy, of course, but also shaking and freaked out. The other doctors reacted the same thing upon hearing the news. Bailey even cried. But they couldn't tell her who she was. The doctors said her memory needed to come back on her own and Derek, as the neurosurgeon, agreed. But as her brother-in-law he didn't. This was hard. Meredith was freaking out, for sure. Her sister was back.

Her sister was back.


	2. I'm still a kick-ass doctor

**Author's note: This chapter is kind of for getting into the story. there's no song in it cause I couldn't find one that fit. Meredith will come into the story later. J/L is going to be a lot of friendship first. I first wanted to introduce everything career wise.**

**I know I'm not the best writer. But it's my first story, and I'm not a native english speaker. (Duh) So I get it wrong a lot of times, and I don't know that many words. Lexie is kind of bitchy, but that's because she's hurting… a lot.**

"It won't stand up." The patient explained seriously to Ali from his hospital bed.

Ali nodded. "Wow… that's nuts." She joked.

He gave her a look that said: _Really?_

"I'm sorry… that's inappropriate." She excused herself. She should really know when to shut up.

"For a urologist… yeah, it is." He smiled at her kindly.

"First day on the job as a fellow." She explained. She studied the chart. "Mr. Perry."

"Ah… I get it." He nodded understandingly. "So was it always your dream to stare at man parts all day?"

Ali laughed. "No, strangely enough it wasn't. But I also stare at girl parts for your information."

"Urologists do that?" He asked. "Wow…"

"No they don't, but gynaecologist fellows do."

"You do both?"

"Yes, I stare at genitals all day. Make fun of me all you want."

"I'm not. It's quite impressive."

"Thank you…" She smiled kindly. She studied the chart and then looked back to her patient. "How long hasn't it been able to _stand up?_"

"For about… a year."

She tilted her head and widened her eyes in surprise.

"I know right… it's sad." He sighed.

"Why are you only seeking out medical attention now?"

"See, I was dating this girl… and she wanted to wait… forever. So we broke up. And then I just wasn't feeling it because I loved her. But then I started dating again and… nothing."

"Aha. Well, it might me neurological or psychological, not urological."

"You mean there's something wrong with my brain?"

"Not necessarily. Let me just have an intern run some tests and we'll find out."

"Thank you, Dr. Grey."

"You're welcome."

She walked out of the room with a smile. The nice patient certainly made her start great. She only had to find an intern… where were those these days?

She saw someone walk by.

"Excuse me? Beardy dude?" She asked.

He stopped. "Yes?"

"Where can I find an intern?"

"Just page one."

"Haven't gotten my pager yet…"

"Oh, I can page someone for you."

He paged Stephanie Edwards. He was quite attractive, but he was the weird guy that had called her Lexie yesterday.

"You know you should really shave." She advised him.

"Oh… Why?"

"Guys always go for the beard after break-ups. But it looks _terrible_ on you."

"You're… honest."

"You're welcome." She got that she sounded a little bitchy.

The black girl from yesterday arrived. "I don't have time for this right now, but tonight we'll be at your apartment and we'll have plenty of time then." She said to beardy guy.

Ali chuckled. "Dr. Edwards? I need you to run some labs on Mr. Perry over there."

"Oh…" She quickly went into the patients room and grabbed the chart.

"Thank you." She said to beardy guy. "I'm Dr. Grey, by the way."

"I know…" She frowned at him. "I'm Dr. Avery."

"Good to know." She smiled at him before running off to the pit.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

She found out her patient was taken to surgery without her consent when she walked past the OR board. She stormed into OR 2 immediately.

"What is going on here?" She asked Dr. Shepherd furiously.

"We found out what was going on on the scans." He said with a smile. "Thank you."

"And you just took him to surgery? Not even telling me?"

"Well… I thought I'd just solve the problem."

"And if something went wrong?" Ali sighed. "I want to know if my patient is going to be okay. I want to know what's happening."

"Sorry." He said sheepishly.

"So… Will he be able to…?"

"Yes, he will. I saw you wrote on the chart what it was before you even got the scans."

"I meant to erase that… it was just a suspicion, I had to take him to have the scans first."

"Dr. Edwards took all the credit for it."

"I'll speak to her about that."

"Okay. But how did you know what it was?"

"I know how to do my job."

She walked away in search of the cafeteria. When she found it, she walked over to where Dr. Edwards and Avery and 2 other people were sitting.

"So I immediately knew what was going on!" Stephanie explained proudly. "Dr. Grey didn't even know yet."

Ali coughed and then sat down next to Edwards.

"Hey, if you want to steal my diagnosis, make sure you cover your tracks. And you didn't even get to scrub in. But erase _my_ handwriting, then put it down in _your_ handwriting. Or else people will know you're a cheat. Okay?"

She looked down. "Who told you?"

"Dr. Shepherd."

"Oh…"

"Now, _nobody_ is better than me. You're still an intern. Try succeeding at that first, because as far as I've heard, you're not that good."

"I'm sorry."

"Yes. Don't mess with me."

She stood up and got a Caesar salad.

Meanwhile, on the lunch table with Jackson and Stephanie and Alex and Jo.

"You stole her diagnosis?" Jo asked.

"New Lexie is mean." Alex commented. "I like it."

"New who?" Stephanie asked.

"Nothing." Jackson quickly said.

"Well, I never thought she'd find out." Stephanie said sadly.

"It was pretty dumb." Jo commented. Stephanie glared at her. "What? Now you're on her bad side."

"She is a urologist anyway, like I need someone like that on my side."

"My mother is a urologist too." Jackson said.

The whole table was silent. Stephanie wanted to just disappear.

"Steph, don't we have to get those labs for Shepherd?" Jo said finally.

"Yeah." She said and they both got up.

Now it was just Alex and Jackson.

"What are we going to do?" Alex asked Jackson.

"What?"

"About Lexie. She should know who she is."

"We can't tell her, remember?"

"I know. But still."

"I miss her." Jackson admitted.

"Me too. She was always so… happy. And not in the annoying April kind of way."

"Hey!"

"What did she say her name was?"

"Ali."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ali saw someone looking very distressed.

"Hey? You okay?" She asked the guy.

"I just have to find Dr. Avery."

"Why?"

"I need his consent for a surgery."

"Is he _that_ important? I thought he was still just a fellow."

"And the head of the hospital." He said, still shaking a bit.

Ali wanted to hit herself. Crap. She had told that guy he looked terrible with a beard.

"Good luck." Ali said to the guy with a smile. He looked nice.

"Thank you." He smiled back.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ali found herself in the bar across the street that night because she really needed a drink. But her tolerance was all messed up now.

She leaned her head on the bar and inhaled the bar. It smelled like alcohol and a hint of old spice.

"Hard first day?" She heard someone say to her.

She turned around to see Dr. Avery stand behind her and smiling at her.

"Yeah. I'm just tired." She was always tired these days.

He sat down on the seat next to her before ordering a scotch. He sat his plastic bag down on the bar.

"So you're the boss…" Ali stated.

"I am." He said with a sigh.

"That's cool."

"I guess."

"What's in the bag?"

"Shaving cream."

Ali laughed and ordered another drink. She liked this guy, no matter his bad taste in women. (Cough, Stephanie, cough)

"Good to know." She said with a smile.

Maybe working here wouldn't be as terrible as she had thought it would be.

"I'm Jackson."

"Ali."

And that's how a friendship was born.

**Author's note: Don't hate, appreciate. I don't want to hear you don't like them, 'cause you're all about Slexie or Japril or Stackson. I don't like them for these reasons.**

**Slexie- I hated Mark. Okay they were heartbreaking… but I like Jackson better as a character. Mark was all like 'I'm a whore, oh my God, have compassion!' yeah. that didn't work for me. But I cried when he died, too.**

**Japril- first they were alright… then she started blaming him for everything and it was season 6 April all over again. So now I'm like 'shut up' everytime she talks. I just don't like April.**

**Stackson- SERIOUSLY? I don't know how anyone could really ship this…**

**So there will be some Japril and Stackson moments, to show that these were in fact serious relationships to Jackson.**


	3. Emotions equal drinking

**Author's note: lyrics are from the airborne toxic event- numb**

**I chose this because both Lexie and Jackson are in this place where they're feeling everything but they don't want to feel anything. The answer: drinking their problems away. Jackson's hung up on April and Lexie's hung up on everything. Chapter is a little confusing and a chaos but I like writing so I'm gonna keep posting, my dear imaginary readers :) Decided to put April in cause that's what's making Jackson hurt. What can I say, I like tragedy.**

**OMG this episode was just too much (10x12) I hope she says no. But they can totz get together the last ep of Grey's. After Matthew died. (I have a feeling that'll happen. I like him. So he'll probably leave or die)**

April was working in the ER, her save haven. She looked around and saw a severe trauma come in. Nobody had warned her. The guy had severe burns. She paged Jackson. Plastics, she paged _plastics_. Not Jackson. Right?

This was crazy, she was engaged! To a wonderful sweet guy. Why was paging her ex so hard? And why did it give her these feelings? Ugh!

They took the guy up to the OR. Jackson was awfully quiet today. He'd shaved.

"What happened to your beard?" April asked him.

"A friend told me it looked terrible." Jackson said, smiling at the memory.

"You shouldn't listen to Alex."

"It wasn't Alex."

"Oh."

_I've been in a daze_

_It seems like days that I've been waiting_

_For this dream to pass_

_It goes so fast_

_It seems nothing lasts_

_ I think I've lost something_

Once they were in the surgery… they noticed that the… manparts… were half off.

"Page urology." April instructed some nurse. "Who works there these days?" She wondered.

"Lexie does."

"She's coming to this surgery? Holy crap! And I haven't seen her in forever. I can't lie to her, she's my friend."

"You two weren't that close."

April looked at him, clearly offended. "Say what?"

"I'm just saying… it's hard for all of us that she's back. We can't tell her. But it's harder for Meredith."

"She died, and then came back from the dead. I'm allowed to have some feelings, Jackson."

"I know…"

They were interrupted by someone coming in.

"You paged me?" Ali said. They both looked like they were caught having sex… Weird. We've got a bunch of creepers over here.

"Hey, you shaved!" Ali noted with a smile.

"Yeah I did. You were right, it did look terrible." Jackson said.

"I know." Ali agreed. "I mean it didn't… look _terrible_, boss. I mean. It did, but, not like, terrible, terrible. Just… I- it- I should just shut up."

Jackson chuckled. "It's okay. And you don't have to call me boss. We've passed formalities."

"But that was at a bar, not in the hospital!" Ali sighed. "Now show me the man parts."

She bent over the spot and saw the mess. "Awesome."

April frowned.

"Not as in, awesome for him. But awesome for me. I mean. Sorry."

God, why did she keep saying the wrong things?

"How did he do this?" She asked.

"We don't know."

Ali spent the surgery watching him watching _her_. There was something about it. He laughed louder at her jokes. She seemed not too oblivious about that. He complemented her. He looked at her intensely, with a burning longing in his eyes. Jackson could not hide it from her. Of course not. But he could _at least_ try.

She smiled at Jackson too happily. She sneaked a peek at him when he wasn't looking at her. She had this sadness when she looked at him. Like a tragedy. But a good one, if there's such a thing.

After 7 hours spent fixing a penis, she knew one thing for sure.

Jackson loved the cheerful, bubbly redhead.

_Stuck here with these people_

_While you wake I crush our bodies in one space_

_I feel your heart blood from my tongue_

_ I wonder where you've gone_

When Ali agreed to meet Jackson and his girlfriend at Joe's that night, she was planning on making subtle hints. Just wait.

Ali stared at the sign of the hospital. _Grey Sloan memorial hospital_. How had she not noticed this before? Grey. _Her_ last name. Did she have family here? She'd have to ask Jackson about it. Without telling everybody her secret. He owned this damn place. He should know something.

She made her way into some random hall when she saw someone from across the hall staring at her. A blonde. She turned around. She didn't need any attention. She didn't like the spotlight. She wanted to stay in the shadows. She didn't mind not getting noticed. It gave her time to think. And to think. And think.

And eat. And throw up her food.

Had she mentioned how she couldn't keep much in? Only crackers and vegetables really stayed in her stomach. Whatever. She had too eat healthy anyway. Ever since she's been in the accident her body has been malfunctioning. She didn't get her period, so she was infertile. She threw up most of her food. She had this slight limp. Sometimes her lungs couldn't do their job and she had to find the nearest oxygen tanks. It wasn't really a problem since she spent most of her time in a hospital. It'd get better in time, Ryan had said. Stupid Ryan. She hated her doctor. Even though she is a doctor.

She saved a uterus or 2 before she could finally leave the hospital.

She made her way across the street and went into the bar. She was pretty sure it was the bartender that wore the old spice. He smiled at her kindly and gave her a margarita. She knew she'd be staying sober tonight. Like she did every night. After you've had as much pain medication as she'd had, you couldn't even feel alcohol.

Until you were on the floor, that is. Yeah, she didn't like to relive last Christmas much.

_And the ever turning spinning wheel of people, places_

_Lies I feel_

_The restless beat of the sleepless night to come_

_I just want to be numb_

_ I just want to be numb_

She sat in a booth and a guy approached her.

"Did it hurt?" He asked her.

"Did what hurt?"

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

"Like hell. Now leave." She wasn't in the mood for this. She wasn't in the mood for some one night stand that would never happen.

Most of the guys freaked out after they saw her scars.

Who was she kidding? All of them did.

Jackson arrived 17 minutes and 32 seconds later.

"You should really work on your definition of_ I'll be there at 9_." She said.

"Sorry."

"Where's the lice?"

"The what?"

"Your girlfriend." Ali said before rolling her eyes.

"You call her a lice?"

"Should I not?"

"It's your decision."

"Whatever… she's not really your type anyway."

Jackson frowned. "I have a type?"

"You tell me, you little man slut!" Ali joked.

"No, seriously, what do you mean?"

"Let me just describe your type to you-"

"I'd rather have you didn't."

"Shut up! Okay… She's perky, almost to the point of extremely annoying, she likes trauma, has a fair skin, auburn hair, she sings musical songs, probably." Jackson sighed. April did do that. "Oh, and she's also very engaged. Though you can't seem to keep your eyes off of her."

"April is not my type." Jackson scoffed.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"You sound so sure of yourself… I'd almost believe you." She teased him.

"Alexandra! I'm warning you."

"I don't care."

"What makes you so certain?"

"Don't you see, Jackson? I've got you all figured out." She leaned forward a bit, and so did he. He smiled a little.

"Do you now?"

They stared in each others eyes. Ali now saw how green they were. It's crazy. How could that be? He stared right back. She seemed as the same old Lexie. Just a little bit more… open. Not as shy. He always liked that she was quite shy, but this also suited her.

"If you don't like it, you're just gonna have to live with it." That's how she lived. She didn't have the time to try and get people to like her. People should just take her for the way she is, and if they don't, well then that's their problem.

"No, I like it."

Ali felt the need to fiddle with her hair, but she didn't. She shouldn't think her friend was hot. But she was a straight woman, how couldn't she?

God, she really needed to get laid.

Someone came over. It was Kepner.

"Nice job saving the man parts today, Dr. Grey." She said with a smile.

_Hopeless these three years like smoking years_

_I go from place to place_

_Just endlessly and half asleep_

_ Like I'm falling alone at some endless breach_

Ali looked up and sighed. "Let me just get another drink."

April looked as she might cry, before she walked away to Matthew.

Ali got back.

"What was that for?" Jackson asked Ali.

"She… She seems, no I know she is, one of those people that's going to want me to change, be nicer, and I simply don't have time for that."

"She will not want you to change."

"Yes, she will. She's going to want that I'm all happy when I'm simply just not. She will want to cheer me up, when I don't want to be cheered up. If she doesn't like the way I act, behave or am, she should just learn to live with it. When I'm unhappy, I'm gonna be unhappy."

"I get that. But still…"

"You're just not over her."

"I am. I'm over her."

"Are you still in love with her?"

Jackson sighed, he took a sip of his drink and looked down. "Yes."

Ali slapped him as hard as she could. A few people looked their way.

"Ow! What the hell?"

"Are you _still_ in love with her?"

"You thought you could slap it out of me?!"

"I could at least try." Ali shrugged.

"You're crazy."

"One of my better qualities, really."

"You're crazy."

"I think we've established that."

"Right."

"We all go a little crazy sometimes. It's allowed."

Jackson sighed. "That I know."

"So tell me everything."

A bottle of vodka later Ali knew everything about Jackson and April and their relationship. He and she had broken each other's hearts. It sounded like a lot of problems and hard work.

"So there's one thing I don't get." Ali said at the end.

"What?"

"How could it have been good?"

"What?"

"You know. I mean, when you're a virgin, it hurts. It freaking hurts. Did she not have that?"

"No, not really."

"I bet she rode horses. They say it doesn't hurt when you ride horses."

"She did grow up on a farm."

Ali smiled. "I am such a genius!"

"You are."

"Okay, now I really know you're drunk. Let's get you home."

Ali ordered them a cab. She decided to crash on his couch. She took some other drunk guy with them. He was pretty hot and his name was Sam. She took the keys and opened the apartment and when she got in she saw a distressed Stephanie on the couch.

_I don't know where I am_

_I don't know what I've done_

_I just go over it again and again and again_

_I can't sleep at night _

_I cant breathe_

_ But If I drink tonight I'll get you off my mind_

"There you are! I was worried sick!" Stephanie said.

"Wanna have some fun?" Ali asked.

Stephanie frowned and then saw Jackson, drunk as a koala, and some other random guy.

"He stood me up to get drunk?"

"Yeah… we drank a bottle of vodka."

"Why?"

"We were both miserable."

"Who's that?" She asked, pointing at Sam.

"Some guy." Ali shrugged.

"What if he's a criminal?"

"We'll find out in the morning."

"Why are _you_ not drunk off your ass?"

"My tolerance is as high as Empire State, honey." Ali explained.

"Yeah, don't call me honey."

"Sorry."

Jackson and Sam were both on the floor right now. Stephanie and Ali helped them get in the bedroom. Then, when they both were on one side, Ali took a picture before heading to the couch and trying to sleep. Stephanie went home after giving her some blankets.

_And the ever present pit I feel_

_I'm turning on some spinning wheel_

_Of faces and the scenes I see_

_And none of it seems real to me_

_ Just the bleary haze of the morning still to come_

The morning after was not as awkward as Ali had thought it would be. The guy thanked her for breakfast and taking him with her, Jackson was a little pissed at her but he'd get over it. She actually felt sorry for the dude. Guy meets girl. Guy is an ass. Guy loses girl. Guy realizes he loves girl. Girl found other guy. It was pretty much a bad soap opera. Only they also cut into people. But she also didn't like the stuff April had pulled on him.

She actually felt that it was way too complicated and it kind of gave her a head-ache.

But Jackson had suffered enough, especially after Stephanie had stopped by. Hahaha. Oh, these walls were so thin. Tomorrow she'd go to work again and she'd feel alone again. But it was nice having a friend. Also a screw-up.

_ I just want to be numb_


	4. Daydreaming

Ali had a surgery today. With someone named Dr. Grey… just like her. While there were more people named Grey in the country (she had checked) this was particularly suspicious since the hospital's name was Grey Sloan memorial.

It was a pregnant woman with some tumor on her liver. Quite sad. But Ali had learned not to care.

Dr. Grey was already in the OR so Ali quickly scrubbed in and also went in. She was the blonde that had stared at her… awkward!

"Hi." The other Dr. Grey said to her. She seemed kind of nervous.

"I'm not comfortable calling you Dr. Grey." Ali just kind of blurted out.

Dr. Grey smiled. "Why?"

"Then I'd feel like I'm talking to myself and it'd make me feel crazier than I already am."

"So just call me Meredith."

"I'm Alexandra. Ali, for short."

"So I've heard."

"Will you make the incision?" Ali asked. Meredith got to work and Ali was holding a clamp.

"So were you related to the Grey from the name?" Ali asked.

"Oh… Yes. It's named after Ellis Grey, my mother." Meredith lied.

"I'm sorry. It must be hard without her."

"Yeah."

"So it's kinda weird we have the same last name…"

"I guess."

"We could be related." Ali joked.

"Could be so." Meredith shrugged.

Ali felt like Meredith didn't want to talk to her. Fine, have it her way. Meredith was actually too nervous and everything was way too weird and awkward and surreal.

After they had been quiet for a minute, Meredith finally talked. "So, how do you like this hospital?"

"It's alright, I guess."

"Just alright?"

"The facility is great. People are nice."

"Have you made a friend?"

"Yes, Dr. Avery, you probably know him."

"Really?" Meredith wondered. That's not something she'd had expected.

"He has quite the problems with his love life. It's amusing." Ali smiled.

"Really?"

"You should ask him about it."

"So why him?"

"Ah… Well, he's the boss. And I kind of offended him the moment I met him. But he was perfectly okay with it and he's quite funny actually. I like him."

Meredith personally didn't expect this. She thought Lexie wouldn't really have a connection with Jackson. Their relationship hadn't worked out and all they did was have sex, they never really talked. They had been friends, but not that close. Meredith wasn't that close to Jackson either, other than judging him for April and understanding him about his mother and grandfather. That was it, kind of.

"He's quite attractive." Meredith noted.

Ali chuckled. "Right. Not my type. Too… him."

"That's true." Meredith agreed.

Meredith dissected the tumor from the liver and the baby was alright in the uterus. Ali was just there in case there was need of a c-section.

"No need for a c-section." Ali said with a smile. "Thank God."

"Where does the c from c-section come from? To cut?" Jo asked, the intern everyone had ignored until now.

"It's from 'caedere'. It's Latin. It means 'to cut'." Ali explained.

"You speak Latin?" Jo wondered.

"Nobody speaks Latin. It's a dead language." Interns these days…

"I know… but still." Jo defended herself.

Ali rolled her eyes.

They were done and Meredith and Ali let Jo close up.

"So when is this baby due?" Meredith asked.

"In a month."

"And she'll be here the entire time?"

"No. She chose to have her baby at home… because she wants to live in the stone-age and _a cave_ wasn't available!" Ali said sarcastically.

Meredith laughed. "Right. Well, then, I'll see you at post-ops."

"See you then."

_Think of a place I would go,_

_I'm daydreamin',_

_Where the sycamore grow,_

_I'm daydreamin',_

_And oh if you knew what it meant to me,_

_Where the air was so clear,_

_Oh if you knew what it meant to me,_

_Anywhere but here._

Ali walked past a spot in the hospital where it seemed very familiar about an hour later. She closed her eyes and stopped. A pair of blue eyes flashed before her eyelids. A very blue pair of eyes. Like she was finally remembering someone. She shrugged the thought off. It was probably nothing.

She walked past Dr. Yang who looked like she was crept out by Ali, but whatever.

She wanted to go home. And lie on her couch. She loved her couch.

She went to the nurse's station, she had a surgery again in about an hour, and she wanted to check if someone had updated the chart. But no such luck. She did find a letter addressed to her. It was from St. Peters. She opened it and immediately saw her past was catching up with her. Medical bills. Oh God. That was a high number. A really, really high number. She closed her eyes and sighed.

"What's that?" She heard someone say. She recognized the voice as Jackson's.

"Nothing." She quickly said and she reopened her eyes.

"Give it." He demanded like a little kid.

"No."

He grabbed it out of her hands and she didn't have the energy to stop him. She just sighed again.

He quickly read the letter and then looked at the number.

"Is this yours?" He asked.

"It's addressed to me, you idiot! Of course it's mine!"

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No. I just… I'm poor. That's my secret. Because of that."

"What did you get all this treatment for?" He decided to play dumb. He couldn't tell her he already knew.

"I… None of your business."

"You can tell me or I can check your medical records."

"No."

"Come on, Al." She shook her head. "Come on."

Then, she collapsed and it was all black. God no. Not now!

_Oh now look to the east,_

_Great mountains remember me,_

_Oh I wound around you for miles,_

_I sat down right there and stretched my bones._

_And oh if you knew what it meant to me,_

_Oh if you knew what it meant to me,_

_Oh if you knew what it meant to me,_

_You would see, too._

Jackson sat by her bedside for 4 hours before she woke up. He'd missed 2 meetings but he didn't care. Meredith sat on the other side, afraid to lose her little sister again.

"So she just collapsed?" Meredith asked him again.

"Yeah."

Everyone had gone back to work after a while. But they had stayed. Alex and Cristina hadn't faced Lexie at all yet. It was just too much after all the crap they'd been through. Cristina had seen her die in front of her eyes.

"Why did she collapse?" Meredith wondered.

Jackson handed her the letter. Meredith read it quickly.

"Wow… that's a lot of money."

"It is. But what else would we think would happen? That other people would do it pro bono? We can't ask them to."

"Yeah. I know that. Is there anything we can do to help?"

"The hospital can't miss this much. I can try and… scrape together something. Do a lot of liposuctions, maybe."

"But you don't like doing that. You don't have to do that. She's my little sister, I should take care of her."

"She's my family too."

"Really?" Meredith asked in surprise. Sure, Lexie and Jackson had dated. But this…

"Yes. She is."

"It's just all so hard." Meredith said. "I- I lost her. I feel like I failed her. And I spent every day missing her. And now she's back, and I can't even be close to her. And I was so unfair to her the first time I met her. I should've- and all this time I spent with others instead of her. In the end we were close, but we were never as close as I was to Alex or Cristina and I-I should have fixed that."

"Meredith. Calm down. You were an amazing sister to her, trust me. Go get some coffee and cool off."

Meredith nodded and went out of the room. After a minute, Jackson heard a cough.

He saw Lexie/Ali open her eyes.

"Crap." Ali muttered. "Crap."

"You okay?" Jackson wondered.

"Sure. I'm peachy." She said sarcastically.

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"What? That I'm a mess? Nice conversation opener!"

"I could have taken it."

"Sure." Ali was not convinced.

"I could."

"So what happened?"

"It was the stress, it's not good for my body. I'm malfunctioning."

Meredith walked back into the room. "Sorry it took so long, I've got your coffee." She looked at Ali. "You're awake." She handed Jackson his coffee and sat down.

"I am." Ali agreed. "What are you doing here?" She wondered.

"She's your doctor." Jackson quickly lied.

"I don't need one. I am a doctor. I'll be my doctor."

Jackson chuckled. "Like that's gonna happen." He said sarcastically.

"Run down your problems for me." Meredith ordered.

"I puke up most of my food, sometimes my lungs stop working, I have a slight limp and I don't get my period." She turned to Jackson. "This is embarrassing."

"I know." He said with a smirk.

"It can't be fixed. Now discharge me!"

"Fine. But you're going home." Jackson said.

"No way!" Ali complained.

"Doctor's orders."

Ali looked to her side and saw she was attached to all kinds of fluids. "What's in there?"

"A lot of things."

"Is there ibuprofen?"

"Of course."

Ali laughed.

"What's so funny about that?" Meredith wondered.

"Nothing. It just doesn't go with the medication I'm already taking. So… I get high whenever I combine the 2."

"We made you get high?"

Ali nodded. "You know… you really shouldn't give people things without looking into what they're already taking."

"Right." Meredith agreed. "Jackson, can you please take her home?"

"No I wanna stay here!" Ali complained. Then she laughed.

"Come on." Jackson said, taking her hand and pulling her up.

"I'm wearing a gown." Ali said, looking at her outfit.

"Get her some scrubs." Jackson ordered Meredith.

"You have weird hands." Ali commented.

"I don't."

"And… You have a creepy face."

"I have a creepy face?"

"Totally." Ali nodded while laughing.

Meredith got back with some scrubs. Ali saw her and gasped. "Thank you."

"What for?" Meredith asked.

"For your moving performance in titanic."

Now Jackson knew for certain she really was high.

_Oh the unspeakable things,_

_It's land I can see for miles,_

_With only the wind whispering,_

_Land I can see for miles,_

_With only the wind whispering,_

_Oh land I can see for miles,_

_With only the wind whispering,_

_Oh I'd run as fast as I can_

_Land I can see for miles_

_Oh I'm searching,_

_With only the wind whispering,_

_Oh if you knew what it meant to me,_

_Oh if you knew what it meant to me,_

_Oh if you knew what it meant to me,_

_You would see, too._

After Ali changed, Jackson took her away. They wandered towards the elevator. On their way, they saw Callie and Arizona giving each other a quick kiss.

"Oh my gay." Ali said, obviously shocked.

Callie and Arizona turned towards them and they both frowned.

"Don't mind her, she's high." Callie raised her eyebrows at Jackson. "Not her fault, we did it. Gave her the wrong thing."

"They're gay." Ali whispered to Jackson, but loud enough for Callie and Arizona to hear.

"I know."

"I didn't!"

Jackson dragged Lexie further away because her high, was not something he'd ever expect to happen and it wasn't much good. But then again, he hadn't expected her to ever return. So maybe the unexpected could be positive. Just like him and April were unexpected… okay, don't go there brain.

"Where do you live?" Jackson asked her while in the elevator.

"Somewhere over the rainbow."

"Seriously, where?"

"Skies are blue."

"I know." Though not in Seattle… He added in his mind.

"And a land I have dreamed of… or something. What are the words?"

"_Really?"_

The elevator doors opened and there stood April. Great.

"We're not in Kansas anymore." Ali commented, farmers accent and all.

"Whatever, Dorothy, come with me."

"Where are you going?" April asked, obviously jealous.

"To a land far, far away from here." Ali answered dreamily.

"Jackson?"

"What she said." Jackson answered, going outside and to his car.

The ride was uncomfortable because Ali first refused to put on a seatbelt, then called him a little Christmas elf and laughed at him because of his love life.

Her apartment building looked like there were several undiscovered species of heist in it. Not so good. Her floor was pretty much empty. He opened her apartment. And it was hell. There only was a couch and some kitchen gear.

He looked around for a blanket and when he turned around she was gone.

"Ali?" He called.

"In here!" She called from the other room.

He walked over there and the bathroom was actually okay. She was sitting in the tub, thoroughly enjoying herself.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Did it hurt?"

"What?"

"When you fell from heaven?"

"Sure. Why?"

"Nothing, it's just something this guy asked me. Can you believe that?"

He smiled. "Hey Ali, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together."

"Are you hitting on me?" she asked, obviously intrigued, and cocking her head a little.

"What if I am?" He teased her.

"Then I'd say, I like the alphabet just the way it is, with N and O together."

He laughed. "You're even mean when you're high."

"Patience, my darling, one day I might actually be nice."

"I'll wait." He assured her. "Now, will you be okay? Because I have got to go."

"Sure. Go be fancy with your fancy hospital. I'll sleep."

"In there?"

She frowned, finding his question absurd. "Where else?"

"Good night. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See ya."

He walked out of the room, and heard her call after him. "Don't get hit by a car!"

He smiled. "I won't." He yelled back, and then he closed the door behind him.

What they both didn't know, was that the apartment was pretty familiar. Not to Jackson, but to Lexie. It was crappy. And it was an apartment. Now if you put 2 and 2 together…

_Oh the unspeakable things,_

_Oh the unspeakable things,_

_Oh the unspeakable things,_

_Oh the unspeakable things._


	5. Stephanie's crazy!

**A/N: song lyrics are by the deadly syndrome, doesn't matter - don't know why, just like this song. These chapters kind of suck, but that's cause my sister made me drive all the way up to Belgium to spend Christmas Eve there, and I didn't bring my computer. But it was nice to see her for a few days.**

"I want you to meet my friends." Jackson told Lexie/Ali the next day.

"Oh, now I know the relationship is getting serious." Ali joked. "Should I already pick out a white dress?"

"Very funny. No, I've been selfish and keeping you to myself."

"I don't mind."

"I know you don't." He winked. Ali laughed, shaking her head.

"So about your problem." Ali started.

"What about it?" He didn't really like talking about it.

"Do you think they might be open to a threesome kind of thing?"

Jackson didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "Say what?"

"Well… It _could_ have some benefits."

"No!"

"All right, Mr. Monogamy, it was just a question."

She studied the chart in her hand again for a while. When she looked up at him she saw he was still staring at her.

"What?" She wondered.

"Well… Do you remember anything from last night?"

"Every. Damn. Moment."

"Sorry."

"Don't make me collapse again!" She joked.

"Sorry about that. But-"

"Don't want to talk about it."

"Don't you have family?" He asked. Playing dumb. Again. But it was necessary, he reminded himself.

"Probably. I don't know. Look, nobody came looking for me, so they probably didn't want to find me. Sad? A little. But it's reality. I don't remember anything or anyone so end of story. Okay?"

"Okay." He agreed. But she had the feeling this wasn't the last thing she'd hear from him about this.

"I'd be delighted to meet your friends." She told him then. "See ya tonight."

She was already gone before he could even reply. He couldn't figure out how she did it. Even though she was a little bitchier, _a lot bitchier_, than before, she seemed to be doing okay. She was truly amazing.

Jackson had a surgery with Stephanie, who had been getting on his nerves lately. But she was rambling on about how Meredith made her get thrown up over and he just wanted this to end. A nose-job got kind of boring after doing it for the millionth time. He remembered when April got a- April? Stephanie's standing right there! How could you think about _her_, when _she_'s standing there! That's, like, mind-cheating.

If that's even a thing.

_It's afternoon when I wake up,_

_I never used to sleep this much._

_The winters gone and so are you,_

_waiting around is all I have to do._

He walked out of the scrub room and into the hallway and he saw Ali there waiting for him with a huge cup of coffee and a smile on her face.

"Bonjour." She greeted.

She handed him the coffee. "Thanks."

"So get this. Fat Pat told me that she heard from Gay Renee that Polly from Radiology knows someone who knows someone who heard from Mean Marlene that you are selected in the Seattle Chronicle's top 10 most wanted bachelors."

"Fat Pat told you all of that?" Jackson asked skeptically.

Ali nodded. "Mhm."

"Who's Fat Pat?"

"Just a friend of Nurse Deb's."

"Who's _that?"_

"You should really get to know your staff." Ali said, shaking her head.

"But for your information, I'm not a bachelor."

"Well, I wondered about that too. But as it turns out, the lice is considered not to really be your girlfriend, only someone who you're having a sexual relationship with."

Just as Jackson was about to disagree, Stephanie walked up to them.

"Hey Stewart." Ali greeted.

Stephanie looked around to see if someone named Stewart could actually be there but there wasn't. So _she_ was Stewart.

"My name is Stephanie."

"Really? Jackson's _always _talking about his boyfriend Stewart. Well then who's that?"

"She's having a rough day, so be nice." Jackson told Ali. Stephanie looked at him gratefully.

"I'm always nice." Ali muttered.

"You're not"

"You're right, I was thinking of someone else…" Ali said, walking away deep in thought, leaving them behind. "Then who was I thinking of?" She asked herself, shaking her head while dealing with this internal discussion.

"Why are you even friends with her?" Stephanie asked Jackson.

"She's my friend." Jackson said, as if that would explain it all.

"She's mean."

"I like it."

"She's crazy."

"She gets to be."

"She's not ugly." Stephanie whispered.

"Ah… I see what this is about. Don't worry, she's just a friend."

"Well, April used to be just a friend too. And now, she's not."

"Don't bring April into this." Jackson said and then he sighed.

"Why not?"

"Just don't."

"Are you not over her?"

"I am." He assured her. Thankfully, he got paged. Saved by the bell. "Gotta run."

He quickly walked away from her. He didn't feel like explaining to the old ball and chain. Were you already supposed to call her that after not dating so long? Probably not.

Derek was in the elevator, bringing Bailey back to the hospital daycare. The door opened and Ali came in.

"Oh my goodness, you have a baby!" She exclaimed.

"I do." He said.

She walked over to Bailey who smiled at her and made baby sounds.

"He is just the cutest little guy in the entire world!" Ali said.

"Do you have kids?" Derek wondered.

"No." She answered, just a one word answer, she immediately backed away from them and stood on the other side of the elevator. It was obviously a touchy subject. The elevator doors opened again and Ali walked out without as much as a goodbye.

_The lights are on when I wake up,_

_I never used think this much._

_I'm feeling bored, I'm not concerned._

_Things will be fine or they'll get worse or_

Ali walked into Joe's that night to meet Jackson's friends. She really was sure it was Joe, the bartender, who wore the old spice now. She'd come here often enough and the smell was always lingering in the bar.

She saw Jackson sitting at a table with a few people she recognized from the hospital. He spotted her and waved at her to come over. She smiled and so did he.

As she walked, others turned their heads and also smiled. She saw 'the lice' was present. And that one intern, Wilson.

"Hey." She greeted nervously.

"Hey." Jackson greeted back with a huge smile, that hadn't gotten unnoticed by Stephanie. "This is Alex, Jo, you've met Stephanie, and Derek."

"Right." Ali said nervously. "I'm Lexie." She said with a smile. Alex threw over his drink, Jackson just gaped at her and Derek frowned. Like a frown, frown. "Wait… No I'm not." She then said. "I'm Ali. Sorry. I don't know what the hell just happened. I need a drink." Everyone expected her to walk away and go get one, but she sat on the empty chair next to Jackson and looked at him expectantly. "Go get me one." She told him.

He immediately stood up to get her vodka cola.

"So… Seahawks lost again." She stated. No one answered. "Economic crisis is still going on. _That's happening_." Oh dear God, Jackson just come and save me.

He got back with her drink and she smiled at him gratefully.

"So, where's the baby?" Ali asked Derek.

"With Callie and Arizona. They're watching our kids tonight. My wife should come by after her surgery. It's nice to have the night off."

"And Callie and Arizona are…?" Ali wondered.

"2 doctors at the hospital. I'm sure you'll run into them." Derek assured her.

"She already has." Jackson said with a smile.

"I have?" Ali asked him.

"When you were high?" He reminded her.

Ali snapped her head at him. "No! _Really_?"

"You were high?" Alex asked.

"Jackson gave me the wrong thing." Ali explained.

She took a sip of her drink.

"Why?" Alex wondered.

"Because he's stupid." Ali said bluntly.

"Gee, thanks." Jackson said sarcastically.

"You know I mean it in the best way." She said, smiling, and looking at him.

"Right."

"You're smart, you know. But you're also pretty." She said, a little flirtatiously. Stephanie did not appreciate that, _at all._

"I think brains are more important than beauty." He said, very seriously.

"Yes… I guess I can understand why _you_ would take that position." Alex commented.

Ali smiled at Alex like he just said she won a million dollars. "He's mean. I love it."

"Excuse me." Jackson said, standing up and walking towards the bathroom.

As soon as he was gone, Stephanie turned to Ali. "I can see what you're doing."

"Sorry?" Ali asked, not catching on.

"You're trying to win him over."

"What?" Ali said, laughing a little at her.

"I have a hot boyfriend. Don't you think I know that? And you, you think you can just swoop in and win him over. Well, not on my watch."

"Uhm…"

"Stay the hell away from him, you gold-digging tramp."

"Stephanie!" Jo warned her.

Jackson walked back.

_I'm feeling bored, I'm not concerned._

_I never used to sleep this much,_

_Things will be fine or they'll get worse._

_I never used to sleep this much._

"Game on, bitch." Stephanie told Ali.

Jackson sat down next to Ali again, completely oblivious to the situation.

"_What_ is on?" Ali asked Stephanie.

"Nothing." Stephanie said angrily.

"_Why_ did you just call me a- _a gold-digging tramp_?" Ali asked.

"I did no such thing." Stephanie said, acting innocent.

"Your girlfriend is a psycho." Ali told Jackson.

"Yeah, she kinda is, man." Alex agreed.

"Stephanie, I think you should go. I'm saying this as your friend. Just go, cool off." Jo suggested.

Stephanie stood up. "You may have won the battle, but_ I_ will win the war!" She told Ali, before storming out of there.

"_What_ war?" Ali called after her.

"What happened when I was gone?" Jackson asked.

"Your girlfriend accused me of having the hots for you." Ali explained. "But in a very violent way."

"Well, do you?"

"Of course, sweetheart, but that's not the point." Ali explained in a mocking tone

"She really did that?" Jackson asked about Stephanie.

"She did." Derek said.

Just then, Meredith arrived.

"Hi." She greeted cheerfully.

"Is Cristina coming?" Alex asked.

"No, she's got a surgery."

"Who's Cristina?" Ali asked.

"Cristina Yang, cardiothoracic surgeon." Jackson explained.

"And my best friend." Meredith added.

"Ah… You're the Yin to her Yang."

Everyone was quiet.

_"How_ did we miss that one?" Derek said.

"I can't believe I never realized that until now." Alex said.

Ali chuckled. "I don't know. It's pretty obvious."

"Yeah." Meredith agreed.

"Is it just me, or is it hot in here?" Ali asked. Then she took of her cardigan, revealing her arm with a lot of scars. Everyone was shocked at seeing this. Jackson studied it, and then he said. "I can fix those."

Ali looked at him in disgust. "You know what? I'm out of here." She grabbed her stuff and walked away.

"What did I do wrong?" Jackson asked.

**A/N: What do you guys think about nurse deb, fat pat and gay renee? Deb will have some sort of a background story, but I want Lexie to have some friends that aren't the usual doctors**


	6. Bruises

"What did you do wrong?" Meredith said. "You literally just told her to get plastic surgery because she's not good enough the way she is."

"That's not what I meant!"

"It's what it sounded like." Jo chimed in.

"I have to apologize."

"Ya think?" Alex said. Then he whispered something in Jo's ear, and they both up and left.

"I am an ass, aren't I?" Jackson asked Meredith and Derek.

"You are. Why would you say that to my sister?" Meredith asked.

"I meant it more like, I can help her."

"Yeah, that still sounds wrong."

Jackson thought to himself. He shouldn't have said that to Lexie. He liked her the way she was, even with the whole 'being confident' façade. She should see that, too. But what had he done? He'd pointed out her flaws. Why did he always screw everything good up? This friendship, April… Okay, he should stop going there. He didn't want to lose Lexie again. It had been hard enough the first time. He remembered the day like it was yesterday.

_Flashback_

_Jackson got a phone call from April, to meet him in a conference room. He didn't feel like talking to her right now, after taking her virginity things were pretty awkward. But she'd said it was an emergency and sounded pretty upset so he went anyway. When he got there, everyone was waiting for him. There was a thick tension in the air. It was the morning after Cristina and Meredith had stood them up last night at the dinner._

_"What's going on?" Jackson asked._

_"Sit down." Owen ordered. He sat down next to Alex and with Bailey on the other side. "There has been a plane crash with the doctors of our hospital, who were on their way to Boise to separate the conjoint twins."_

_Everyone was silent for a moment and some were just staring and gaping into space._

_"Is everyone okay?" Alex asked, then. But they all knew something was very up. They could all sense it._

_"Meredith has some small lacerations, Cristina has a dislocated shoulder, Derek has something with his hand, but to what extent is still unknown. Arizona's leg is very…" He didn't finish the sentence. "Mark had a few problems with his heart. Condition is still unknown." Then Owen just stopped talking._

_Jackson got a lump in his throat. Everybody knew what this meant. "What about Lexie?" He then asked, the unspoken question lingering in the air._

_Owen said nothing, and just shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes._

_"No." Bailey yelled. "NO!"_

_Alex hit the table, stood up, threw the chair away and stormed out of there. Jackson couldn't even move. _

_"We need to plan a funeral." Bailey said._

_"We can't." Owen said. "Her body disappeared."_

_"What do you mean, it disappeared?" Jackson said angrily, tears streaming down his face for the loss of his ex-girlfriend. He still cared about her deeply, probably always would._

_April then broke out in tears as the loss of her friend dawned on her. "No… Damn it!"_

_"Her body… they think animals- anyway, it was gone."_

_That was just too horrible to comprehend. Jackson stood up and left the room, not saying anything. He walked around for a while but every place just reminded him of her. It seemed too unreal, she couldn't be gone, she was a Grey… Grey's survive. No, she wasn't gone. It just couldn't be. No._

_He walked into April who was trying to comfort Alex. They sat against a wall. She saw him and stood up and hugged him. He didn't hug back. It felt so wrong now, all of this, he was worried about April when somewhere out there, Lexie had been dying. He felt so disgusted with himself. _

_"I- I had so many opportunities to get to know her better- but I never did it. I-" April said, before sobbing._

_"How could you even be making it about you right now?" Alex asked. "She's gone! Never coming back! How can you do that? Stop being so damn selfish!"_

_April nodded, knowing she should shut up. Jackson knew that somewhere inside him, Alex was also blaming himself for this, just like Jackson was. They'd both dated her and… it was just too much. He saw April praying, He never understood how she could believe that God had a plan. Exactly what kind of twisted plan would this be? Letting her die? _

As he remembered the pain he felt back then, he swore to himself right there and then, that he'd never hurt her again. Never let her go. Never lose her again.

He had to make this up.

He found her looking at babies.

"Hey." He greeted her.

She sighed, showing her annoyance upon his arrival. "What?"

"I'm sorry."

"Why'd you say it?"

"Because I'm stupid." He went to stand next to her.

"I know." She agreed, letting out a little chuckle.

"Can you forgive me?" He asked.

She turned to face him. "Look, like I told you, I don't have time to have people want me to change."

"I don't want that."

"Though, you clearly do." She stated.

"I talked to you like you were my patient, not my friend, and I'm sorry for that."

"As my friend, what would you say?" Ali asked.

He smiled at her still calling him her friend. "I'd say," He started. "Screw that plastic surgeon guy!" Ali chuckled. "Why do you even hang out with him? He couldn't even find a real specialty! He doesn't even save lives… what kind of a doctor is he? Changing the world one liposuction at a time." He said sarcastically and Ali laughed.

"For the record," She said. "I think it's a _great _specialty."

"Thank you."

"But still, I hardly know who I am and for you to want to change who I am, that's not cool."

"I know."

"I mean… It'd be nice to look normal, but I could never even afford a surgery."

"It'd be pro bono, of course."

"You'd do that?'

"Of course I would!"

"Right…"

"So do you want the surgery?"

_These bruises_

_Makes for better conversation_

_Loses the vibe that separates_

_It's good to let you in again_

_You're not alone in how you've been_

_Everybody loses-we all got bruises_

_We all got bruises_

**A/N: so does she or doesn't she get the surgery? I want to so she can start dating and make Jackson jealous… and with dating comes rememberance, because she'll start thinking about questions people in the hospital avoid. AND thanksgiving + April's wedding are coming up. I love when you guys give me ideas so please do!**


	7. they're dead

**A/N sorry the chapter is a little late… I'm not that good at updating. Lyrics are by ingrid michaelson - are we there yet. It's one of my favourite songs :) Hope you like the chapter. I'm kind of out of ideas so I appreciate reviews by people who have ideas as what has to happen next. Let me know what you think (as long as you're nice.)**

"Good morning." Jackson said to Ali when he ran into her in the elevator. She was just standing there with a chubby friend of hers.

"Good morning." She said, smiling. He could smell her rosy perfume. It's one of the things he'd started to notice about her. She matched the scent of her perfume with the scent of her shampoo. And now it was roses.

"No, I meant _good morning_." He said, making her chuckle.

"Do you wish to wish me a good morning? Or are you implying it's a good morning whether I want it to be or not? Or is it just simply a morning to be good?"

"All of the above."

"You're such a goof!"

"Oh, I am the goof, Ms. I thought Walmart was a name, not a store?" Ali pouted at him after he said that.

"_You didn't_." He grinned at her.

_They say that home is where the heart is_

_I guess I haven't found my home_

_And we keep driving round in circles_

_Afraid to call this place our own_

_And are we there yet?_

"Hi, I'm Patricia. But just call me Pat." The chubby girl said suddenly, interrupting their conversation..

"Jackson-"

"Avery, I know. You're all she ever talks about." Pat said bluntly.

"Really?" Jackson said, looking at Ali. Why would he be the only one she talks about? It mad him feel… special.

"You're pretty much the only one I know…" Ali explained.

"Right." He remembered. The elevator stopped and he got off.

"Oh my God! I totally get why you're h over h for him." Pat said to Ali. "He's such a hottie McPants.."

"H over h?" Ali wondered.

"Head over heels. Duh." Pat explained, while twisting her black locks with her finger.

"I'm not. Where do you even get that from?"

"_Please._ Watching the sparks between you is like the 4th of July."

"Whatever you say…" Ali just let Pat talk about Brangelina after they got out of the elevator. She wasn't going to take the stuff she'd said about her and Jackson seriously, it was just Pat talking.

_They say there's linings made of silver_

_Folded inside each raining cloud_

_Well, we need someone to deliver_

_Our silver lining now_

"So I heard your mom's in town for Thanksgiving." Ali said to Jackson, who was in his office doing stuff she didn't care about.

"Yeah, her flight should get in right about-" He looked at his watch. "An hour ago. She should be here by now."

"Are you excited for her to meet your girlfriend?"

"I thought it was _just a sexual relationship_."

"To moms, it's all the same."

"How's my arm?" he asked, changing the subject.

"It's _my_ arm, and it's fine. Just like it was yesterday and the day before that and the one before that and the week before that."

"And-"

"And all my other body parts are fine too. Jeez, it's like you really want to see me naked." She joked.

"But it's just… the high risk of infection."

"Please." She went to sit on his desk. "I beat the odds. The odds were that I should have died. Then the odds were that I'd never walk again. Yet I'm here, aren't I?"

"You're right. It's just that I don't want to see you hurt."

Ali looked down at that, pretending to be intrigued by whatever was on his desk. He didn't know that she did hurt. She hurt with every step that she took.

_And are we there yet?_

_And are we there yet?_

_And are we there yet?_

_Home, home, home_

_Home, home, home_

Later that day, Ali ran into Jackson's mom, who'd she seen a few pictures from, in a hallway.

"Dr. Avery!" She called out.

"Who are you?" Catherine asked.

"I'm Jackson's friend, Ali. Dr. Grey. Could I walk with you?"

"Sure. I was just about to get some pillows for Richard."

They both walked in search of an on-call room. "How did you get the idea for the penis transplant?" Ali asked.

"A patient came to me, and I went from there." Catherine said, uninterestedly. "Why?"

"Because it's probably the most awesome thing ever. A urologist's dream, really."

"You're a urologist?" Catherine asked. Ali nodded. "Funny, Jackson always despised me for picking this specialty."

"Oh, do men also ask you if you want to try _it_ out with them?"

"More times than the sun goes down." Catherine said with a chuckle. "It's part of the job."

"Yeah, but it's weird. And it makes me feel uncomfortable. I just tell them Jackson's my boyfriend so they back off. He's always around somewhere so it works."

They reached an on call room and went in, but frowned upon what they saw. It was Jackson and Stephanie and a very, very steamy position.

"Oh dear Lord." Catherine said, making them turn. Ali just laughed. Catherine got a pillow from one of the beds and turned to her sun. "I expect you for Thanksgiving dinner tonight." Jackson nodded, and Catherine walked out.

Ali watched as she closed the door and walked over to Jackson. "Wow…"

"Of all the on call rooms she could walk into…" Jackson said.

"Excuse me!" Stephanie told Ali.

"Yeah, you should really get that checked out." Ali told her before standing up and walking away. "_Seriously_." She said before walking out of the room.

_They say you're really not somebody_

_Until somebody else loves you_

_Well, I am waiting to make somebody_

_Somebody soon_

Meredith saw Jackson in front of the OR board and hurried over there. "Jackson!"

"Yeah?"

"Could you get Lexie to spend Thanksgiving at my place tonight?"

"I don't know Mer, in her mind, she hardly knows you."

"But- Wait, what if you also come?"

"Sure. Can my mom come, too? She'll probably bring Webber."

"Stephanie's also invited." Meredith said, walking off smiling. "Thank you."

"Any time."

_And are we there yet?_

_And are we there yet?_

_And are we there yet?_

_Home, home, home_

_Home, home, home_

Ali walked out of the elevator and ran into Jackson.

"Hey, where were you?" He asked her.

"I was Thanksgiving shopping." She said, nudging her head to the bag in her arms.

"But you were supposed to be my lunch date. Now I just said there in between Steph and my mom who just kept staring at each other. It was really awkward."

Ali laughed.

"I'm glad you find my misery so amusing. Oh, and I'm spending Thanksgiving at Meredith's, you're invited too."

"But I had plans." Ali said, holding up her bag.

Jackson grabbed the back and looked inside it. "A rented movie, Final Destination 2 and a bottle of vodka and a bag of sea-salted chips_. Those_ are your plans?"

"Yeah. So? You have your traditions, I have mine."

"You're coming with me." Jackson stated.

"But I skipped my morning coffee every day this week so I could afford my booze." Ali said, trying to find an excuse.

"_I _bought you your morning coffee this week." Jackson reasoned with her.

"Fine. But the vodka's coming." Ali said, very determined.

"_Who_ watches Final Destination on Thanksgiving?"

_Where you will lie on the rug_

_While I play with the dog_

_And it won't be too much_

_'Cause this is too much_

_'Cause this is too much for me to hold_

_This is too much for me to hold_

"Sorry we're late." Jackson told Meredith when they walked in.

"I told you should've let me drive."

"You don't have a permit."

"At least I don't drive like an old lady."

Meredith chuckled at the conversation. They were bickering like an old married couple.

"I_ don't_ drive like an old lady!"

"Yes, you do. Really, champ, learn to step it up."

"You are just terrible."

"I know." She agreed, giving him a friendly push, which he gleefully returned.

"So what's for dinner?" Ali asked Meredith.

"Turkey." Meredith stated, feeling uncomfortable by this question.

"Oh right. The whole thanksgiving turkey thing. Totally forgot." Like the rest of my life. Ali sighed.

_Home, home, home_

_And are we there yet?_

_And are we there yet?_

_And are we there yet?_

She went to sit in between Dr. Shepherd and Jackson, across from her sat Catherine and Dr. Webber, with Jo and Alex, Dr. Hunt and his girlfriend were also present as were the 2 lesbians she'd said 'Oh my gay' to.

They all went to talk about people she didn't know and didn't care about. Alex and Jo were just making sex eyes at each other, which was very uncomfortable. Callie looked like she was about to cry and Arizona looked as if she was really drunk. Which she probably was. Catherine and Webber, she had to say, made a really cute couple, but Jackson was making hate eyes at him.

She glared at him and he stopped. Dinner was served and Meredith stood up from her chair.

"I don't really know how to do this, but it's traditional we say grace. Right?" She asked, looking at Derek, searching for confirmation, who nodded. "I am thankful for this lovely turkey, and for my family. I'm thankful for my job. Amen… or preach. Whatever."

"I'm thankful for alcohol." Arizona added, which earned her many glares but a smile from Ali.

"I'm thankful for my beautiful wife." Derek said, trying to make the moment less awkward.

"I'm thankful for surgery." Owen said.

"I'm thankful for free time." His girlfriend, whatsherface, added.

"I'm thankful for a lot of things." Alex said.

"I'm thankful for a lot of things, too." Jo said, feeling a little awkward with all her bosses.

"I'm thankful for therapists." Callie said, making things awkward again, as she nudged her head towards Arizona.

"I'm thankful for this dinner. Thank you, Meredith." Richard said, and Catherine nodded in agreement while she took his hand.

"I'm thankful for new friends." Jackson said, looking at Ali.

They all looked at Ali in expectation, who was just enjoying the scene, where everybody just got along. She noticed them staring and frowned. "What?"

"Are you thankful for something?" Derek asked her.

"Sure." She said.

"What is it?"

She couldn't think of anything. What was she thankful for? Her medication, but that seemed inappropriate to say. Her physical therapist. Alcohol, but that was previously mentioned. She didn't know what she was thankful for, but it was surely _something,_ right?

"I'm thankful for me." She looked at Jackson who smiled at her and people started to eat.

"SO Ali, where are you from?" Catherine asked her, after a while when conversation had kind of dried up. (is that a phrase?)

"Uh… New York." She lied.

"Really? The big apple, wouldn't have pegged you for it. What do you like most about it?"

"I- It's just- great cheesecake, and hot dogs. Empire state, you know."

"Right… Where did you go to college?"

"Harvard." That one she did know.

"That's nice. Boston's great in the fall."

"Yeah…"

Jackson glared at his mom, she should stop asking her so many questions.

"What are your parents like?"

Ali widened her eyes. "They're dead."

"Oh… I'm sorry. Do you have any siblings?"

"Also dead."

"Any grandparents?"

"Dead."

"Cousins? Aunts or uncles?"

"They're _all_ dead."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

Jackson glared at his mother once again. "Mom, could you pass me the mashed potatoes?"

"Sure, honey." And she did.

_Home, home, home_

_Home, home, home, home_

Ali took a good look at Callie, she seemed so familiar. She wrecked her brain but nothing came up. She then had a moment of realization. Gauze paws. Take off my gauze paws. That's what seemed so familiar. She didn't know what that meant or how it was in relation to Callie but it was something.

"What are gauze paws?" She asked Callie, not meaning to say it out loud but still doing it.

"What?" Callie asked. Callie then realized what Lexie was talking about. It was when she had the chicken pox and Mark and Lexie had just broken up for the first time. And she had gauze paws.

"Did I say that out loud? Sorry."

Meredith saw Callie looking terrified and knew something was up. Gauze paws… she had no idea what it meant but she knew Callie knew.

After dinner was over, Ali sat by a window, all by herself. Jackson went to sit next to her.

"Hey… what's up?" He asked.

"I want this. I want the house, the children, the kids."

"We all do."

"Yeah…"

"And I'm sure you'll get it all."

"I don't know, Jackson, it hurts every time I breathe. I can't have children… I don't know who I am so how can I let somebody else know who I am?"

"I know who you are."

"And who is that?"

"You're kind, smart, maybe a little lost at the moment, but you'll get by. You, Ali Grey, are a survivor."

"Thank you." She leaned her head against his shoulder and he put an arm around her.

"There's no one out there who deserves this more than you."

_And are we there yet?_

_And are we there yet?_

_And are we there yet?_

_And are we there?_

Right after Lexie and Jackson had left, they were the first ones to go because Jackson had gotten paged, Meredith turned to Callie. "What are gauze paws?"

"They're… paws, made of gauze. For around your hand."

"Why did Lexie ask you what gauze paws were?"

"Because… I once talked to her. When I had the chicken pox, and I asked her to take off my gauze paws. Meredith, I think she's starting to remember some things."

Meredith didn't seem moved by this news, she just walked away and went upstairs.

"What's wrong with her?" Alex said, mentioning the elephant in the room.

"I don't know." Derek said with a sigh. "I'm worried about her, she isn't taking this so well. She's always been good at hiding her pain but it's in the small things. Her and Cristina are also fighting. I don't know what to do."

**A/N: I put in the gauze paws scene because it's my favourite Callie/Lexie moment, it's just so funny :) and it's something little she remembers, so I liked it. and Meredith's finally getting a little upset!**


	8. To recall to the mind

**A/N: Song is have a little faith in me by John Hiatt. Why? I don't know I just needed a song, because I like putting songs in chapters.**

The letter G had been in her head the whole day. G. G. ggggg. G. Why? She had no idea.

She arrived at the hospital in kind of a mood. She wasn't happy… or cheerful. She wasn't the things she usually was –or tried to be, that is.

She had Stephanie and Jo on her service, which wasn't that much of a treat since Stephanie kind of hated her now and she didn't really know Jo.

But something was different about today.

She met her interns at the nurse's station.

"Today is a very special day. A man, you must know him, came to me asking to get a penis pump, which means we'll be pumping up the penis to twice it's size."

"Really?" Jo asked, full of excitement. "Who is it?"

"He is Carter Keller."

"As in _Carter Keller_? The guy who wrote the 'how to pick up girls' book? The one that sold millions of copies?" Stephanie asked.

"Exactly. He's a dear friend of mine, so treat him like he's the president."

"Why?" Stephanie asked, very upset about this, clearly. "All he does is write some books."

"Do it or you're fired." Ali walked before them to the room, and behind her Stephanie made a face to Jo, and Jo glared back at her. Stephanie clearly still had some issues with her.

_When the road gets dark_

_And you can no longer see_

_Just let my love throw a spark_

_And have a little faith in me_

They walked into the patient's room and in the bed was a slightly attractive man with blond hair and green eyes, but he had this vibe that made him extremely hot.

"Hey Ali." He said. "Good to see you."

"Today's the big day." She said with a smile.

"You know it."

"This is Dr. Wilson and Edwards, they'll be assisting me today."

"Hi, I'm Carter, but you can call me Mr. Keller."

"Of course, Mr. Keller." Jo said cheerfully.

"Now, Ali, it's not that I don't trust you, because I do. You know that. I wouldn't have flown out here to Seattle if I didn't. But… I need this thing to be good, and it needs to look good."

"Let me guess… plastics?"

"Yes."

"Page plastics. The best." Ali ordered Stephanie, who walked out of the room.

Ali sat on his bedside. "How is Carter Keller doing?" She asked him, smiling.

"Please… Don't tease me about that. I got over it, remember?"

"Over what?" Jo asked, just as Stephanie got back.

"He used to talk about himself in the third person, back when I first met him." Ali explained, chuckling a little. "It was totally lame."

"You are evil."

"So, while we wait, I'd like to talk with you about the procedure, why are you having it?"

"Because of the shrinking." Carter explained. "I faced a lot of radioactive material and it started shrinking. I want the normal size back."

Everyone held it for a few seconds, but then Stephanie, Jo and Ali all burst out laughing.

"That is the single most stupid thing I have ever heard."

"It's what happened."

_And when the tears you cry_

_Are all you can believe_

_Just give these loving arms a try_

_And have a little faith in me_

_And_

Jackson walked into the room. "I'm here for a Plastics consult."

Ali looked at Stephanie. "I said page the best. Why is _he_ here?"

"I'm… sorry?"

"Just kidding. He's good enough." She said, smiling lightly at Jackson, who still looked very offended.

"Who are you?" Carter asked Jackson.

"Dr. Avery."

"Right…" He looked at Ali, who nodded at him, letting him know Jackson was all right.

Ali talked them through the procedure and Stephanie and Jo prepped the guy for surgery.

"So are they, like, your assistants?" Carter asked Ali about Stephanie and Jo.

"Totally." She said, earning a glare from Jo and Stephanie.

"And who's that Dr. Avery?"

"He's the nutjob that owns this place."

"_Really?_ That guy?"

"I know, I was surprised too. Especially since I practically told him he was ugly the first time I saw him."

"Ouch. How did you get out of that?"

"I charmed him, with my charm, and my sparkling personality. _Duh_." She said sarcastically.

"Of course you did." He said, smiling. "You always do."

She stood up and walked out of the room, with Stephanie following her.

_Have a little faith in me_

_Have a little faith in me_

_Have a little faith in me_

_Have a little faith in me_

"What do you mean _'you charmed him'_?" Stephanie asked.

"It was just a joke, Edwards, now get back to work!" Ali ordered.

"Are you _still_ trying to steal my boyfriend?" Stephanie was getting furious.

"What?" Ali never understood how Jackson could be with someone _this _delusional.

"When are you going to get it through your head? _He's mine._ He's mine now, he was mine and he will forever be mine."

"You don't need to mark your territory. You don't have to urinate on him." Ali joked halfheartedly, because a few people had noticed Stephanie's breakdown.

"You're spending all of your time with him, and frankly, it's quite inappropriate!"

"You can't talk like that to an attending."

"No, I'm talking like that to the _slut_ that's trying to steal my boyfriend!"

"Jealousy is a horrible disease. Get well soon, bitch."

Ali started to walk away, but Stephanie threw a chart at her.

"That is it. From now on, you are on probation."

"You can't put me on probation."

"Watch me!" Ali said, throwing her hands up, daring Stephanie to talk more.

Stephanie only didn't talk, she ran over to Ali and pushed her to the ground. Ali was too late and couldn't help but fall. Stephanie tried to punch her but Ali avoided that. Inside his room, Carter was watching with joy. Nothing cheered up a day like a good catfight. Ali got Stephanie off of her and several people had rushed over to get Stephanie away from her.

"Seriously." Ali commented on the situation. What she didn't know, was that Meredith had been watching from a few feet away, and after she'd heard Ali utter that word, she turned and walked the other way. Meredith didn't know what it was about that word that did it, but it made something within her burn.

_When your secret heart_

_Cannot speak so easily_

_Come here darlin'_

_From a whisper start_

_To have a little faith in me_

Ali was taken to a procedure room, where Jackson came in after a quarter of an hour.

"Are you okay?" He asked her.

"No. My head aches." She had an ice-pack on her head. "Anyway, is Stephanie ready yet for the surgery? I know Wilson's probably ready." Ali said, just wanting to move on.

"I think you and Stephanie in the same OR is a recipe for disaster right now." Jackson said, chuckling.

"I think your tie with that shirt is a recipe for disaster." Ali fired back.

Jackson looked down at his suit. "What's wrong with this? I had a meeting!"

Ali just shook her head. "No."

"No?" He tried again, but he didn't get a response.

"Should I be nicer?" She asked, looking a little hurt and small.

"Maybe."

"Okay… next time you can punch me in the face if I'm mean."

"I'm not going to punch you."

"It's easy, just do it."

"No."

"Don't be such a girl! Seriously."

He smiled and sat next to her. He put his arm around her and she laid her head down on his shoulder.

"You are currently dating one paranoid freak of a bitch." Ali stated.

"She's nice when she's not around you."

"What is it about _me _anyway? Shouldn't it be April freaking Kepner who she should be jealous of?"

"I don't hang out with April that often anymore…" He sounded sad saying that.

"Really?" Ali said, not believing me. "I saw you cheat on me the other day!"

"Cheat on you?"

"Yeah, you were all, like, talking and smiling with her. I noticed."

Jackson laughed. "I'm sorry I cheated."

"You better be."

_And when your back's against the wall_

_Just turn around and you will see_

_I will catch, i will catch your fall baby_

_Just have a little faith in me_

They got to the surgery, which started off really awkward, with Stephanie constantly glaring at Ali.

The whole thing went perfectly, of course, she didn't expect anything else. And for Carter's sake she wouldn't screw it up.

She sat by his side until he woke up. He opened his eyes, and when he saw her in the chair just reading a book, he smiled.

"Hey." He said weakly. "Whatcha reading?" He asked her.

"The heart is a lonely hunter."

"I like that book, it's not as good as my book, but still."

Ali laughed. "I read your book, and it's not that good."

"It _is_ that good."

"I got you another book." He said, pointing to his bag, as he was still weak from his anesthesia, she got it.

It was in wrapping. "You remembered." She said in awe.

"Of course I did."

"You're the best."

"I know."

She unwrapped it carefully. Of course, it was a book.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." He then surprised her. "Why aren't we together?"

"What?"

"Come on, Al… We both know that we're attracted to each other."

"Okay, I know nothing about that."

"But you can't deny it."

"Carter… I- I'm sorry. You're my friend, but that's it."

Carter looked down, very hurt. "Is it that Dr. Avery guy?"

"Jackson? No way!" Ali sighed. "I don't know who I am, Carter, and I can't be with someone unless I know who I am. I need that."

"So maybe someday?"

"Maybe someday."

Carter smiled. "You are an amazing woman, Alexandra Grey."

"Thank you. You too. I mean: amazing man. Sorry."

"See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow."

Ali walked out of there with a smile on her face. But she ran right into Jackson.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey, what was that all about?" Jackson asked her. "What did he give you?"

"A book."

"Why?"

"It's stupid…"

"Just tell me. You know you can tell me anything, right?"

Ali didn't know for sure what to say, come clean about something or come clean about everything? Everything it is, then.

"Today's my birthday."

"What?" He asked.

"Well… sort of. When they found me, they decided I need a birthday. I thought the day I was found was a good day, but they didn't. They said that your birthday is a happy occasion, and the day I was found was a bad day."

"Happy birthday." He said, pulling her in a hug. He smelled her hair, it smelled like lavender.

"Thank you." She said, pulling away.

"Do you want to celebrate? Want to go to Joe's? Get a cake?"

"Nah…"

"You know you do."

"Fine." She reluctantly agreed.

"Do you want anything for your birthday?"

"Nothing materialistic. I'm kind of broke, so how about you give me nothing, so I don't have to get you something?"

"Sounds good. But are you sure there's nothing I can do?"

"You're buying me a cake, aren't you?"

_Well, I've been loving you for such a long time girl_

_Expecting nothing in return_

_Just for you to have a little faith in me_

_You see time, time is our friend_

_'Cause for us there is no end_

_And all you gotta do is have a little faith in me_

_I said I will hold you up, i will hold you up_

_Your love gives me strength enough_

_So have a little faith in me_

About fifteen minutes later they were in a little bakery, both eating a piece of pie.

"So why'd he give you a book?" Jackson asked Ali.

"I don't trust people who don't carry around books everywhere they go."

"I don't carry around books everywhere I go."

"Well, I never said I trusted you, did I?" She teased him, and he rolled his eyes at her.

"How do you remember things?" Ali suddenly asked, after they both had been silent, just enjoying each others company.

"What do you mean?"

"How do you know what's real… or what's fake?" She asked.

"Your case is a little different then others." He reminded her.

"I guess you're right."

"Why? Are you remembering something?" He asked, tilting his head a little.

Ali sighed. "_Someone_. I think."

"That's great! Who is it?" Jackson said excitedly.

"He's got the bluest eyes in the whole wide world, he's kind, and I lived with him… And I think I loved him. His name was…"

**A/N: I'm sorry, I'm evil. Who do you think it is? Please leave a review if you're nice. next update, as always, might be a while. Life keeps me busy. I know Carter seems weird, but he's got a purpose later in this story, just like nurse Deb.**


	9. On and on

**A/N: Song is I'm in here by Sia (acoustic version) Well, I don't know if it's any good because I just drabbled it together… but let me know what you think, I want them both to be kind of a jerk to each other… so… just read… **

"George." Just as soon as Ali had spoken those words it became real to her. She had admitted what she'd been seeing that whole day. She remembered him laughing with her, them watching movies together and everything. But there was one thing she didn't understand. Why wouldn't George come look for her?

"Who's George?" Jackson asked, he'd heard something about George but not much.

"I don't know. I just remember seeing him everywhere. And I think I'm going insane! I don't know if it's a memory, or a fantasy or anything!"

"I'm sorry, Ali." Jackson said, and she knew he meant it.

"God I don't even know how old I am!" Ali said, as it was still her 'birthday'.

"You're not old." Jackson said.

"You're sweet. But how old do I look?"

"I don't know… 30?" He asked.

"I look 30?" She said in shock.

"No!" He said, widening his eyes at her reaction.

**_I'm in here, can anybody see me?_**

**_Can anybody help?_**

She sighed. "Let's talk about something else. April's wedding is in 2 days… How are you doing?" She asked.

"I'm fine… Really, I am."

"Are you going?"

"I think so. Maybe. I don't know. Are you?"

"I hardly know her. Even though I got an invite, why I still don't know, I don't think I will."

"Please? For me?"

"Sure… Hey, if you ruin her wedding, I get 50 bucks."

Jackson chuckled. "We're on."

"Good. Though I hope you don't, because that would be disastrous."

"I won't."

She grinned at him. "We'll see."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"No, seriously, are you okay?" She asked in concern.

"I don't know… April was, she was a milestone for me. She was the first time I thought I'd spent the rest of my life with someone." He changed the subject after she looked at him like he was a puppy dog. "So Derek's got Meredith, Yang's got intern, April's getting married, Karev's got Wilson… You think maybe you and I should do something?" He said, completely forgetting about Stephanie.

"We do. Eventually, but not just yet." She answered with a teasing smile.

"Well just in case. Alexandra Grey, will you be my back-up wife?"

"Every woman dreams of hearing those words!"

"So that's a yes?"

"Hell yes."

They smiled at each other. "I knew you'd marry me."

**_I'm in here, a prisoner of history,_**

**_Can anybody help?_**

The woman at the table next to them picked up on those words. "You're getting married?" She asked, and without a response she immediately yelled. "They're getting married!"

Ali laughed while Jackson looked frightened.

They got a 'congratulations from everyone. "Come one let's go." Ali said, and they left.

When they were outside, Jackson looked grumpy. "Why can't people mind their own business?"

"I don't know… Don't stress about it."

"You're right."

"Always am."

They hugged goodbye and both went in the opposite direction.

**_Can't you hear my call?_**

**_Are you coming to get me now?_**

**_I've been waiting for_**

**_You to come rescue me._**

**_I need you to hold_**

**_All of the sadness I cannot_**

**_Live with inside of me._**

The next day, Deb was talking with mean Marlene, Pat was getting a donut, so she wasn't present at the moment.

"So I got a gym membership." Marlene told Deb.

"The gym? Really?" She said, obviously disapproving, shaking her head, bouncing her hazel curls on her shoulder.

"Yeah, really, I want to get in shape."

Ali walked up, just in time to hear Deb say. "Isn't that just all sweaty guys and a bunch of metal."

As Marlene was about to reply, Ali commented. "Kinky."

Deb laughed and Marlene rolled her eyes. "You are disgusting."

"Me? You were talking about sweaty guys and metal!"

"We were talking about the gym, not sex." Deb said. "You've got a dirty mind." She teased

"How dare you accuse a lady of such a thing?" Ali said, smiling.

"Well, you'd have to find someone to do such indiscretions with anyway." Marlene reminded her.

"Oh, don't worry." Ali teased her and Deb giggled. "Unlike you, I could easily find someone."

**_I'm in here, I'm trying to tell you something,_**

**_Can anybody help?_**

Just then, Jackson walked up. "Hey Ali."

Marlene widened her eyes at Ali, wondering how she could know him and how he knew her name.

"Hey hot stuff." She said flirtatiously. Then, Deb started laughing hysterically. Ali chuckled and Jackson thought it was best to leave it alone.

"Keep dreaming." Marlene snapped, obviously being bitter and jealous.

"No need." Ali said, smiling.

"You ready for lunch?" Jackson asked Ali then.

"Of course, honey." She said, walking away with him, leaving Marlene with her mouth open and Deb smiling. He didn't even think the nicknames were read, he quite liked them, actually.

**_I'm in here, I'm calling out but you can't hear,_**

**_Can anybody help?_**

**_Can't you hear my call?_**

**_Are you coming to get me now?_**

**_I've been waiting for_**

**_You to come rescue me._**

**_I need you to hold_**

**_All of the sadness I cannot_**

**_Live with inside of me._**

They were sitting at the table, she was eating a salad, he was eating a sandwich.

"So have you discharged Carter yet?" Jackson asked her.

"No, and I'd like to keep him here till tomorrow, because of the radioactive material. You never know."

"Right…" He still thought it ridiculous that Ali would be friends with that guy.

"So are you still doing okay?" Ali asked, talking about the wedding tomorrow.

"As long as you're coming with me."

"Yeah… I already borrowed a dress from Deb, so I'm good to go. You'll be my date, right?"

"No, Stephanie's my date." Jackson said.

"What?" Ali scoffed. "Right. First you beg me to come, and now you dump me? _For the lice?_"

"She's my girlfriend." Jackson explained.

"Since _when_?" Ali said bitterly.

"Since April's getting married."

"You're acting like a jerk."

"And _you're_ acting like a hypocrite!"

"_What?_"

"You judge my relationship with Stephanie, when you have no one in your life."

"That is a completely different situation!"

"Oh really? How is it different? You do nothing because you're trying to move on, well I'm doing _the same damn thing_!"

People were staring at them now, they looked around, then looked at each other, stood up in unison and went to find a conference room.

**_I'm crying out, I'm breaking down,_**

**_I am fearing it all,_**

**_Stuck inside these walls,_**

**_Tell me there is hope for me_**

**_Is anybody out there listening?_**

"What you're doing is stupid!" Ali yelled at him.

"And how are _you_ one to judge?" He yelled back.

Alex and Derek walked by, hearing them scream. "Since when do _they_ fight?" Alex asked Derek.

"They don't." Derek said, and they stopped to watch.

Inside the conference room, Ali was getting madder with the second. "At least I don't sleep with someone and then fancy myself to be in a real relationship but then just _don't care_ about the person!"

"I care about her! _I do!"_

"Since when?"

"Since when are you one to judge? You always say you want thing but you never do _anything_ about it!"

"You don't know me, don't pretend that you know me!" Ali said, getting on the edge of tears. "You don't know anything about me or everything!"

"And _you _don't know anything about my situation!"

"Well, all I know is that you're acting like an ass!"

"And you're acting like a judgmental bitch!"

"If you've got a problem with that, _there's the door_!" She yelled, pointing at the door.

"Don't be such a bitch! I get that you're hurt but freaking do something about yourself!"

Ali scoffed. "You can just shut the hell up! I don't know who you think you are telling me that I'm a mess, when you can't even turn around to see that your _supposed_ girlfriend is miserable, all because you're pining about a girl who left you, like, a million years ago!"

"That is not fair!"

"LIFE'S NOT FAIR, IDIOT!"

"Oh, _you're_ one to talk!"

**_Can't you hear my call?_**

**_Are you coming to get me now?_**

**_I've been waiting for_**

**_You to come rescue me._**

**_I need you to hold_**

**_All of the sadness I cannot_**

**_Live with inside of me._**

"What?" Just as he was about to reply, she looked at her watch. "You know what? I don't have time for this. I have an appointment."

"With who?" He said, rolling his eyes.

"Dr. Wyatt." She said simply, but accusingly.

"What? Ali-"

"See? I told you you didn't know anything about it." She said, shedding a tear.

"Al-"

"I'm trying, Jackson, really, I am_. I try so hard_. Every day."

"Can I say something now?"

"I want to be okay, don't say that I don't do anything because I do. But life's hard and it hurts, physically and mentally."

"Can I say something now?"

She nodded.

"I'm sorry." He said, and they went towards each other and hugged.

"Me too." He smelled her hair and kissed her head.

"Let's never fight again."

_"Never."_

"Are we good?" He asked, still a little unsure.

"Always." She chuckled. "I don't know if I can handle a therapist right now."

"I'll talk to her."

"Thank you."

**_Can't you hear my call?_**

**_Are you coming to get me now?_**

**_I've been waiting for_**

**_You to come rescue me._**

**_I need you to hold_**

**_All of the sadness I cannot_**

**_Live with inside of me._**

They pulled away and looked around. A lot of people pretended to be working again, but had stopped and stared. They saw Derek and Alex, Arizona and Callie, Meredith, Jo and Cristina.

"That was…" Jo said.

"Wow." Meredith said.

"Are they, like, sleeping together?" Cristina asked, and Meredith glared at her. "What? You don't fight like that unless you're doing it. It was passionate. Trust me, I'm a divorcé"

"Why can't people mind their own business?" Jackson asked Ali. "Hey Al-"

"Yeah, you too." She finished for him. Because in the end, he was just worked up about April's wedding, and she was just angry at everyone and no one. And they were there for each other.

**_I'm in here, can anybody see me?_**

**_Can anybody help?_**

**A/N: so leave a review… only if you're nice to me. This chapter doesn't focus on what Lexie remembers, sorry. I needed them to fight. But that's because others wanted her to remember while, if it was up to me, she'd only remember in chapter 20, I felt that it was kind of rushed.**

**And she's still confused. Next chapter: WEDDING BELLS. please tell me what Jackson will or won't do.**


	10. Nobody said it was easy

**A/N: Sorry I made you wait, you guys! Had sooooo many exams this week. lyrics are: sweet goodbyes- krezip. Wanted to do: everybody's changing but the song was too short. So… I hope you like it.**

She knew today was going to be hard for him, it had to be. But she had the feeling he was going to put on a brave face, when she wished he didn't. He wasn't dealing with it, not at all. But she'd have to let him do his own thing. Right?

She arrived at the hospital and had a case with Wilson, they were delivering a baby.

"Hey, Dr. Grey. You excited for the wedding?"

"Do I _look_ excited?"

"No."

"Well, there's your answer!"

"So I really like uteruses…" Jo started, then Ali gave her a look. "I mean… they're so productive. But I don't like my period."

"Wilson… _No."_

"Okay, okay… just trying to start some conversation."

"Sorry, I'm just in a bit of a mood."

"Why? There's a wedding today!"

"I know."

"Weddings are awesome!"

"Not this one."

They saved the uterus, because she was awesome. But Jo kept talking and talking which was just disturbing. Once she even started about Karev's sex moves. It was too much.

**_Can't sleep 'cause everything's changing_**

**_You don't want to leave things behind_**

**_Can't breathe cause to many things going on_**

**_going wrong in your life_**

After that, she had to get ready for April's wedding, which was disastrous, but she managed. Deb decided that it would be best to help her, so she looked okay. Though Deb had called her 'gorgeous'.

She found a ride with Karev and Jo, which Jo had offered very kindly this morning. She was waiting for them just now.

"So you know what happened to me yesterday?" She said.

"What?" Jo asked.

"I got stuck on the toilet without any toilet paper." Jo frowned. "So I texted Marlene for help. And she said 'use the stuff from the garbage'."

"That's disgusting!"

"I know! That's what I told her but she thought I was being unreasonable so I texted Deb who helped me out."

"Why would she even suggest that?"

"I don't know, _she's mean Marlene_ for a good reason."

"You call her that?"

"Yeah."

"To her face?"

"Of course."

**_Tears in your eyes_**

**_Sweet goodbyes_**

**_I know how you feel right now_**

**_Losing dreams you've come to care about_**

**_I know what you need right now_**

**_You need to come on home so I can hold you tight_**

They arrived at the wedding, but they were an hour early. Alex was pretty quiet the whole time, like he had something on his mind. But then again, a lot of people acted that way around her for some reason. It was probably because she talked too much. Seriously, she didn't know how Jackson put up with it.

"So Dr. Grey, how are you liking Seattle?" Jo asked with a smile.

"You can just call me Lexie now." She said with a smile "God, I mean Ali. Why do I keep doing that?" Her smile turned into a frown. "But Seattle's great."

"And the people?"

"They're okay, I guess."

"And Dr. Kepner?"

"I don't really know her. So how'd you and Karev get together?"

"You don't have to talk about me in the third person when I'm standing _right here_." Alex said with a growl.

"Sorry, didn't think you were listening." She explained.

"Don't be an ass!" Jo said to him. "Well, we got together after a long period of being friends. But I think we both felt that it could be something more. You know?"

"Actually, I don't. Jackson and I are nothing but platonic."

"That's what _I_ thought too, but then…"

"Um… _Right_. Well, it's not like that this time."

"I'm just saying, you never know."

"Isn't he dating _your _friend?"

Jo looked away, trying to think of something to say.

"You don't think it's going to last!" Ali concluded. "Oh. My. God."

"Please don't… _say_ anything."

"I won't, but… why?"

"Well, I just think they're not right for each other. He keeps ignoring her to spend time with you and it makes her miserable. All they do is have sex, they don't talk or laugh… So, I don't know. I don't think they love each other."

"Tell me about it. Besides, he's still hung up on A-"

"Who?"

"A dog."

"He's hung up on a dog."

"You've gotta be shitting me." Alex said to Ali. He knew she meant to say April. "Are you serious?"

"No." She squeaked.

"But today! And no way! HE- what?"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything! It's just I'm terrible at keeping secrets." She sighed. "God, I'm such a terrible friend!"

**_Guide you through the night_**

**_I'll guide you through the night_**

Everyone sat as they watched April down the aisle. She sat next to Alex and Jo, in front of her sat Stephanie and Jackson.

The wedding march was playing and then they watched as April and Matthew said their vows. The priest said some words about eternal love and everybody looked pretty happy. "Speak now or forever hold your peace."

"Sorry." Jackson said to Stephanie, who frowned.

Ali hoped, no prayed, that he would just sit down when Jackson stood up. "Don't marry him, April." He said, shocking everyone, and everyone turned to him. Ali rolled her eyes. Why did the people in Seattle always felt the need to turn their lives into a bad soap opera? "I love you, always have, and you should be with me, not him."

April, the poor girl, looked as if she might faint.

"And I think that you love me too. Just say something."

Ali looked around. Cristina was grinning, Meredith was almost hyperventilating, Alex rolled his eyes, Jo just smiled, Stephanie was not happy, of course, Bailey seemed confused, Owen didn't know what to feel and Ali, Ali wanted to smack Jackson.

If April said no to Jackson, it would be disastrous. But if she said yes, it'd also be disastrous. She didn't know what to want. She never liked April, but she didn't want to see Jackson hurt. Either way, someone would be leaving with a broken heart.

"Jackson…" April whispered, but loud enough for everyone to hear in the quiet barn. _"I'm sorry_."

Jackson looked down, this was a definite no. He got money out of his pocket, walked up to Ali and gave it to her and walked out of the barn. Ali stood up and ran after him.

**_Wake up the sun's shining bright lets go out of bed into the light_**

**_Shape up we won't forget still there's lots of love left to hold tight_**

"Jackson! Jackson!" She called out over the hill where Jackson was walking away.

"Leave me alone!" He yelled.

"Please _just wait!_"

He stopped, no matter how angry he was, he stopped. "What? Are you here to lecture me?"

"Actually, you only gave me 20 bucks… not 50." He glared at her. "Sorry. Not a good moment. We'll discuss this later." He glared at her again. "Uhm… What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking I love her, and I can't let her marry him."

"_Well_! Wrong timing!"

"I couldn't just hold it in, she needed to know this!"

"But the minute she was about to get married?!"

"I said everything I could, so… I- Why didn't she- want me?"

"I don't know."

"This is _not_ easy."

"I know."

Ali closed her eyes.

_Flashback._

_"Hey, are you okay?" She asked George, who was still sitting in the back of the church after everybody had left. Alex had just married Izzie._

_"I'm fine."_

_"No, you're not." Ali said to him._

_"You're right… I'm not. What tipped you off? I thought I was acting fine." He said with a sigh._

_"Come on, George, we were best friends."_

_"What changed that?" He seemed genuinely hurt._

_"I don't know, I had a stupid crush on you, that changed things."_

_"I am pretty great."_

_"Yes, you are. But I'm with-"_

_"Yeah, I know… I'm sorry, Lex."_

_"No,_ I'm_ sorry."_

_"Thank you… For knowing I'm not fine. When they said, speak now or forever hold you peace, I wanted to _scream_ at her not to marry him. But to marry me."_

_"I know. Because of your 'someday'. Izzie and you would have been together someday."_

_"Well, I'd rather see her happy and with Alex, than not happy."_

_"I know, but that doesn't make it any easier."_

_"It doesn't. This is_ not _easy."_

_"I know."_

She opened her eyes again.

"Are you okay?" Jackson asked her.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It was just a memory. And are you seriously asking if _I'm_ okay?"

"I'll be fine."

"Yes, you will."

"But not just yet."

"It's okay to get hurt, Jackson."

"I'm not crying in front of you."

"Oh, God no."

They looked around in silence. "It's really beautiful out here." Ali said.

"Yeah, that's April for you." You could just hear the heartbreak in his voice, and Ali wished she could do something to make it better for him. But she couldn't. He just had his heart broken.

**_Tears in your eyes_**

**_Sweet goodbyes_**

**_I know how you feel right now_**

**_Losing dreams you've come to care about_**

**_I know what you need right now_**

**_You need to come on home so I can hold you tight_**

**_Guide you through the night_**

Ali walked into the hospital later that day to discharge Carter. She hadn't wanted to leave Jackson alone, but Carter had to leave and he couldn't without her discharging him.

When she walked into his hallway she heard screaming. She hurried into his room where Stephanie was screaming at him, while also crying uncontrollably.

"You filthy _disgusting_ pig! You treat women like property, like they're _nothing!_ And in your book you teach others to the same thing! You are _terrible_. You're everything that's wrong with this world!" She screamed.

"Edwards." Ali yelled. Stephanie stopped and looked at her. "Conference room. _Now_."

"What the hell were you thinking _yelling_ at a patient?"

Stephanie just cried.

"Look Stephanie, you've got to get yourself together. _Stop crying_."

Stephanie stopped sobbing. "Do you make it a habit to be friends with jerks?"

"Yes." Ali said with a kind smile. "All your relationship with Jackson, you were the other woman to April." Stephanie dropped her shoulders. "And you shouldn't be the other woman, you should be the _only_ woman. So find a man who can give you that."

Stephanie sighed. "I just feel so stupid."

"I know. But you can't break down at work. And you can't be mad at April for it or any other woman that Jackson loves next because it's not _your_ fault that he didn't love you."

"You're right."

"And don't yell at patients! Next time I find you acting out of line, you're fired!" She was back to being the tough attending.

"Thank you, Dr. Grey." Stephanie said.

"Any time."

**_Everything I love between us will guide us through the night_**

**_All the things we lost will teach us see the pretty things in life_**

**_All the places that we've been to_**

**_The people we relate to_**

**_All the love that we give in to_**

Back at Jackson's apartment, he wasn't doing anything when she came in.

"How'd you get in?" He asked when he saw her.

"I stole your key a while back. I sometimes secretly use your shower because mine sucks." She admitted.

"Is that why my water bill was so high this month?"

"Probably."

"I really thought she loved me. And that I was over her, but then she was about to marry _whatshisface_ and it hit me that I wasn't."

"She probably did love you, but then she loved Matthew."

"Right. How was Carter?"

"He was fine." She thought back to the goodbye. Carter had not been happy to leave her.

"Good."

"I should probably go home."

"Can you stay?" He asked her, his voice sounding weak.

"Sure. I'll stay."

"This is _not_ easy." He said again. "Can I ask you something?"

"No."

"It's get easier, right?"

"Sure."

He sighed. "Well, at least I'll have you."

"_Always." _She smiled. "You said you've always loved her, but you didn't say you always will. You'll be fine."

**_Blow the tears from our eyes_**

**_Sweet goodbyes_**

**_I know how you feel right now_**

**_Losing dreams you've come to care about_**

**_I know what you need right now_**

**_You need to come on home so I can hold you tight_**

**_I know how you feel right now_**

**_Losing dreams you've come to care about_**

**_I know what you need right now_**

**_You need to come on home so I can hold you tight_**

**_I'll get you through the night_**

**A/N: I know that many of you are disappointed that Mark wasn't the one she remembered, but I want him to have the goodbye he deserves, so it'll take some time and I felt like George always gets left out. So… let me know what you want to happen next. 92Dil gave me a good idea to include a flashback! I really appreciated it so thanks.**

**I hope you like this chapter, don't know when the next one will be posted, might be a while, as always.**

**Thank you, my lovely readers and leave a review only if you liked it…**


	11. Ignorance and Omelets

**A/N: So this chapter is kind of a filler chapter. Next chapter will be some more heart-ache for Jackson. This chapter I wanted him to ignore his problems. Hope you like and song is: funeral - band of horses. Don't know why, but just because last chapter was a wedding I guess. Next chapter will probably be better, at least I hope. So please read (and if you read, review). Let me know if I've been fair to Meredith. **

**Oh, Renee is guy. Keep that in mind. Plus Carter won't come back. He has no purpose anymore.**

Jackson woke up the morning after April's wedding with a head-ache. Oh God, what had he done? He smelled bacon, how could he smell bacon? He then remembered Ali had spent the night and figured it was probably her. She really was an amazing friend. But he wasn't a good friend to her. He was lying to her throughout all of their friendship. But what was he supposed to say now? 'Hey Ali, your name is actually Lexie and I've been lying to you this whole time!'? That would earn him some points, really.

He stood up and walked into the kitchen.

"Hi!" She said. "I'm making omelets. I don't know why, because I'm allergic to eggs. But the only thing you really had were eggs and bacon. So I couldn't make anything else. And I don't have my wallet, so I couldn't get anything from outside, and then I couldn't find _your_ wallet so-"

"Ali. It's fine. Omelet sounds great."

She watched him eat. It was pretty awkward, he didn't like being watched while he was eating. Then she showered, and he showered and then they were ready to go.

"Hold on. What is that?" She said, pointing at his chin.

"What?"

"Did you shave?"

"No."

"Jackson! You are better than the beard. Go shave."

"What? Why?"

"Well 1, it looks terrible. 2, growing a beard is what guys do after they have their hearts broken, and you don't want anyone to see at your appearance that you had your heart broken."

_I'm coming up only to hold you under_

_And coming up only to show you're wrong_

_And to know you is hard; we wonder..._

_To know you all wrong; we warn._

They walked into the bathroom and he started to shave.

"You know, you and April probably wouldn't have worked out anyway."

"What makes you say that?"

"She's religious, you're not. Besides, she probably still blames you for taking her virginity. At age 29!"

"You're totally right." He said absent-mindedly.

"Feel better?" She said, full of hope.

"No. That means me standing up at her wedding wasn't a 50% chance, but a 0% chance of working out." He said negatively.

"Oh sorry!" She said. "It's just- I don't know what to say!"

"Let's just not talk about it!" He said, getting annoyed. He wanted to pretend his heartbreak wasn't even there. That's how he got over everything.

"I have a great idea!" she suddenly said. "You'll come with me to therapy!" She smiled at him.

"How exactly is that a great idea? I said that _I didn't want to talk about it_."

"No, _you_ won't talk. You'll hear about my problems so you will feel better about yours."

"You'd do that for me?"

"Yes, of course. I'd do _anything_ for you. If you'd ask me to go out in the snow naked, I'd do it."

"You'd tell me all your dark thoughts?"

"Didn't I just say I would?"

"Yes- but it's- No one has ever really been _that_ honest with me." It made him feel even guiltier about lying to her.

"You're welcome."

He was done shaving and they went to work together.

_Ooooooooh Oooooooooh_

_Ooooooooh Oooooooooh_

"JACKSON'S SINGLE?" Marlene, Pat, Renee and Deb all yelled at the same time. Ali had just told them what happened at the wedding yesterday.

"How am I only hearing about this _now_?" Renee yelled at Ali.

"You should have called me!" Deb yelled.

"Texted me!" Marlene yelled.

"I would have washed my hair this morning!" Pat screamed.

"I would have shaved! My special parts!" Renee stated. The others glared at him.

"I wouldn't have had those chili cheese fries yesterday." Deb said.

"I can not believe you've kept this information to yourself this entire time!" Marlene said, feeling betrayed.

"People, people! Calm down!" Ali said. "I didn't say anything earlier because I was dealing with my heartbroken friend. And the point of me telling you this was to ask you guys, my friends, for advice. I was asking you what I was supposed to say to him!"

"Who cares? He's single!" Pat said. "Where is he?"

"I don't know."

"I'll find him first." Marlene said.

"Wait… Do you _all_ have a crush on my best friend?" Ali said, shaking her head, letting out a chuckle. She could not believe it.

They all nodded, feigning innocence.

"Really?" She asked. "But why?"

"Sometimes, Ali, I really wonder if you're gay." Marlene said seriously. "I don't know how you can spend every day with him and _not_ jump his bones. Do you just not see it?"

"See what? He's a mess! No way I'm ever getting involved with _that_."

"Famous last words." Pat mumbled.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" Ali snapped.

"It's a clock. It's only a matter of time until you start seeing him in a different way."

"Not really."

"Tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock."

"Could you stop that?"

"Watch my words, Ali, but until then, at least we get to fool around with him, right?"

"No! Ew!" Ali walked away.

"See?" She's already possessive." Pat said to Deb, who just kind of giggled. "Now how are we going to get him?"

"We're not." Deb said. "We'll wait a few days, duh."

"Smart." Marlene said, nodding a little.

_Really too late to call,_

_So we wait for morning_

_To wake you is all we got_

_To know me as hardly golden_

_Is to know me all wrong, they warn._

Meredith walked up to Jackson.

"Please, spare me the lecture." He said immediately.

"I will. I'm guessing Lexie already gave you one."

He just groaned.

"Can you give me her address? Derek and I are sending out family Christmas cards early this year because else the photographer is booked and his mother used to do this so it means a lot to him. And I want to send her a card."

"Sure." He wrote down the address.

"Thank you." Meredith took it and looked at it. "Are you serious?"

"What?"

"Lexie's living in the crapartment!"

"The _what?_"

"The crapartment! A crappy apartment."

"Well, yeah-"

"It's this place she used to live in with George." Alex walked up to them.

"George?" Jackson wondered. "That _does_ explain a lot."

"Why?" Meredith asked. "What do you know that I don't?"

"She remembers him. _George_."

"How are you only sharing this crucial piece of information with me _now_?"

"Of course she'd remember O'Malley first." Alex scoffed. He felt a little offended. Even though he didn't show it, he still thought it weird that someone who he grieved for was alive. There was too much history. But he was glad she was back, of course.

"I don't know, Meredith." Jackson started. "You are always pretty busy. I never see you making any effort with her and I hardly see you so I can talk to you about her. Besides, you have your own thing going on with Yang and you have a baby and a husband."

"Well, what does she remember?" Meredith asked.

"I don't know."

"What? So ask her!"

"Look, Meredith, she's still your sister and if you want to know stuff, ask her yourself!"

"And say _what_?"

"I don't know, just try to be friends, at least! Because from where I'm standing, _I'm_ the only one who actually makes an effort to make her a part of my family again! _I'm_ the only one who spends time with her like she wasn't just _dead_ for a _year!_ And _I'm_ the only one that seemingly cares about her!"

"Oh, like you cared for April? Because that _all _just turned out so _well_!"

"That was uncalled for. I get that you're mad and confused but don't take it out on me."

"I just don't know what to do."

Alex walked away. What Jackson had said to Meredith really got to him. He didn't make and effort to be friends with Lexie again. Actually, no one really did. He thought that she'd remember soon and that everything would be back to normal. But then again, he had no time. He had a girlfriend and a father to take care of. But it wasn't an excuse. He wanted it to be, but it wasn't, he knew that.

"Meredith, just try, that's all I'm asking, you'll always regret it if you don't. Because when she remembers, she'll also remember you not trying to get to know her. _Again_."

With that, Jackson up and left.

Meredith was left behind feeling horrible. But she had to keep it together, she had a family. One that her sister used to belong to, until she had screwed it up. She walked away, she'd try tomorrow. Or the day after that.

_At every occasion I'll be ready for the funeral_

_At every occasion, once more, it's called the funeral_

_At every occasion, oh, I'm ready for the funeral_

_At every occasion, oh, one billion day funeral_

Ali met Jackson for therapy around 5. "Hey hot stuff." She said, smiling.

"Hey. Thank you for letting me join."

"It's just to take your mind off of things a little. I'm not really that interesting."

They entered Dr. Wyatt's office.

"Hey, W-dog." Ali greeted. "Merry therapy."

"Merry therapy to you too." Wyatt said, smiling. She quite liked this patient. She noticed Jackson. "Dr. Avery, what can I do for you?" She was nervous, normally when one of the big guys came to your office, it was go-time.

"Oh, I brought him along." Ali said. "He's just a friend and I'm taking him to watch."

"Well, sit down." Wyatt said, clearly relieved she wasn't getting fired.

Ali and Jackson both sat down on the couch.

"How was your day, Ali?" Wyatt asked.

"It was alright, I guess. I had to cut off some patient's balls. He wasn't too happy."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"Well, I felt sad, but he was going to be fine."

"I heard you went to a wedding yesterday."

Jackson was watching and felt anxious now.

"I did." Ali said, glancing at Jackson.

"Do you remember any other weddings you went to?"

"I don't." Ali said truthfully.

"Do you think you ever had a wedding?" Wyatt asked.

"No, I don't." She sighed. "When they found me, I wasn't wearing a ring or anything. It could have fallen off, but still… And I'd like to believe that if I had a husband he'd bury me instead of leave me in the woods."

"Right." Wyatt wrote some things down. "Did you enjoy the wedding?"

"Not really, it was cold." Ali said.

"Let's talk about George." Wyatt said.

"No thank you." Ali said.

_I'm coming up only to show you're down for_

_And coming up only to show you're wrong._

"What happened?" Wyatt accused her.

"I remembered. I lied to you earlier. I remember another wedding. Well, sort of. It was in a church. George was sitting there. And I walked up to him and we talked."

"And that was it?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"What did you talk about?"

"Izzie… I don't know who this Izzie person was but she was marrying Alex…" Ali then closed her eyes. "Where do I know that name from?" She sighed. "I don't remember."

"Was this an important moment?" Wyatt asked.

"I guess. We talked about George and Izzie, and how he missed her. And I was in a relationship, George almost said with who, but I don't remember who."

"You don't have too." Wyatt said, smiling. "This is _great_ progress."

"I just wish I knew who it was that I was dating."

"You'll remember."

"Not soon enough."

Jackson had actually kind of forgotten about his own problems with she who must not be named. He knew what she remembered. She remembered Alex's wedding, and almost Alex. This was big. She was getting closer to the truth and finally he wouldn't have to lie anymore soon. She almost remembered Alex. It frightened him a little, though. After she'd find out, things would never be the same again.

They talked some more about a dark period in her life right after she was found and Jackson nearly crunched after hearing her describe the tons of surgeries and pain she went through all by herself. He couldn't believe he wasn't there for her then. That no one was.

He smiled after he heard her say she connected with others though. She'd always connect, she was special like that.

_To the outside, the dead leaves lay on the lawn_

_For they don't have trees to hang upon._

After an hour, they walked out of there.

"That was heavy." Jackson said after they closed the door.

"Almost makes you seem like a whiny ass." Ali teased him.

He rolled his eyes. "Come on, let's get a drink."

Thankfully, he hadn't run into Stephanie today and April was still on her honeymoon. Lexie had really gotten him through this day. It helped that no one dared to look at him differently as he was the boss.

_Ooooooooh Oooooooooh_

_Ooooooooh Oooooooooh_

Ali was sitting at the bar and Jackson was doing his business when some guy approached her, he wasn't all that ugly but she just wasn't interested.

"Hey gorgeous." He said.

She barely looked up.

"How are you doing?" He asked her.

"Peachy." She looked up at the asshole who was bothering her and he was smiling at her with a bunch of white teeth. "Can you stop smiling so much? It's giving me a head-ache."

Jackson just arrived and smiled at her comment. She'd never change.

"You don't have to play hard to get." The guy said, grinning

"Oh no, I'm not playing. I actually _am_ hard to get."

"So this-" He pointed at his body. "doesn't do it for you?"

Ali looked him up and down. "Nah. So here's how it's gonna go. You're going to walk away and go back to your buds, and forget this totally embarrassing thing. Then, you're going to get completely wasted and you'll go home alone. And when you're in your bed, don't you even _dare _think about me as you're playing with yourself."

"Understood." The guy said seriously. "I won't. You're hot though."

"Bye now." She said, and the guy walked away.

"Ali Grey, rejecting people the right way." Jackson said, smiling. "That should be your slogan."

"What? He was just some creepy guy."

"Oh, I know, I'm not disagreeing. I just think it's funny."

"Shut up, loser."

They laughed and talked for the rest of the night as they ate fries. He almost forgot about April. Almost. Today was pretty okay, but still she'd been in his every thought. He looked at Ali as she was laughing about something he had said, and he knew that the girl in front of him would help him get over everything. And he'd help her. How, he had no idea. But he would.

_At every occasion I'll be ready for the funeral_

_At every occasion, once more, it's called the funeral_

_At every occasion, oh, I'm ready for the funeral_

_Every occasion, oh, one billion day funeral_

**A/N: So let me know if I should continue writing, because I'm not so sure what to do next. Review if you like, then I know what to write.**


End file.
